Constant...Not Rote

First rays of the sun hitting the wall over my bed. Retracing their path through the window at the same angle as they did last July. Not much different than yesterday. I sit up…my eyes squinting and my heart calmly beating in my chest. The rhythm within and without continues. Not much different than yesterday. Not much different than any given dawn in the past 27 years of my existence.

Every once in a while, though, something happens. Something happens that makes you look at the rising sun in wonder, as if beholding a miraculous and mystical reality. Something happens…such as when the heart of one you love ceases to beat…and suddenly today is completely different than yesterday. The sun´s appearance is no longer a rote happening. The mechanical contractions of the heart seem not so mechanical. Life takes on preciousness.

Something new has entered my consciousness this morning. A new truth. It is this—God Loves me…today.

Like the first rays of the sun, I initially thought this truth was not much different than yesterday. God has always Loved me. Every day, every moment. He proved His Love was of the deepest possible caliber on Calvary. I´ve known this since I was a small girl. But wait…can´t you see? TODAY HE CHOSE TO LOVE ME AGAIN!!! TODAY HIS LOVE FOR ME DRIPS OF NEWNESS!!! Can you capture it? His Love is constant, but it is never rote.    

While Love of divine magnitude was made evident at the cross, it did not find conclusion there. God mindfully lives out His Love to us each day much like a devoted husband or wife will choose to make the marriage vows a vibrant reality on a daily basis. Spouses forget their promise at times. He does not forget. He anticipates the sound of my alarm clock so He can wash my soul with fresh Love…not simply because He has to keep up His end of the bargain or because He cannot deny His own essence, but because He longs for me to know that I am of unprecedented value to Him and vital to His happiness.

I hear Him quietly say, “Hey, little one, guess what? Today…yes, today I Love you!”  It´s a new truth…for both Him and me. It takes a moment for this incredible confession to sink in. When it begins to, His emotion is contagious. The sun´s appearance is no longer a rote happening. The mechanical contractions of the heart seem not so mechanical. Life takes on preciousness.

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.” Psalm 143:8

[ROTE (adj.) proceeding mechanically and repetitiously; being mechanical and repetitious in nature; routine; habitual.]

Full Circle

I was back. Nine months later. The same camp grounds where it had sparked.

Sitting on the dilapidated remnants of an old wagon, the morning coolness reached through my sweatshirt. I felt expectant about the coming week of summer camp. I wondered why God had brought me back to this specific place.

This place had seen the first unexpected tears that ran down my cheeks when I realized God had never been the true Love and passion of my days. Nine months ago I began to see. I peered into myself and glimpsed my lackluster devotion to my Savior. I saw that I had only entertained passing pieces of God´s Love for me and had never grasped them and made them mine.

Midway through the week of camp, I cried alone under the night sky. I cried because I was seeing myself once more…I was seeing myself in the eyes of each of my seven campers. Each one of them was me—a girl who beneath all my exterior fronts would simply like to know whether there is such a thing as true Love and how in the world to let that Love into my heart.

I looked towards the cots where the girls slept. My heart ached for each one to know the Love of their Father God. Nine months ago a similar ache was felt in God´s chest as He watched me sleep…longing to penetrate my blind, oblivious, independent, self-centered soul.

I was back. Full circle. Amazed. Stunned by God´s grace in my life. Hopeful that true Love would never stop seeking us.

Truly, each of those girls is no farther than I was from hearing the whisper… “So listen, little girl, somewhere there´s a King who will Love you forever. And nothing in the world could ever come between you, my love, and this Lover.”*

*Taken from lyrics by Andrew Peterson