Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Happens to be


Last Tuesday was the birthday of an important man—the one whose hands were the first to hold me. He is one of the best men I know. In the midst of many faces, there is one face that I recognize as my father and he is kind.

We have no choice when it comes to what family we are born into. I didn´t choose a good father. He was simply there. Much like humanity did not choose to be created by a being who cared.

Our Creator—our God—might have been impersonal. He could have been cruel. He could have been taciturn, or unreasonable, or selfish.

Instead, the One being who has no beginning and no end, the One who will have the last word, the One who chose to create us (and in whom we are chosen), happens to be good.

Of all the “gods” conjured up by human minds, the true God—MY God—dares to define Himself with one word—Love.                                                                      

I didn´t choose a God of Love. He chose me…and He changes not. 

Monday, December 1, 2014

Match Made in Heaven

It was a match too perfect for coincidence. A match that made angels breathe deeply in wonder.

I walked away from it. I followed illusions. I thought there was more to life. 

At various bends in the road I wondered why my soul felt jagged and incomplete. Why did I sometimes ache inside for something I could not pronounce? Why was I restless?

One day, on a hillside covered with dry grass, I felt my heart settle. My being sank into a place that felt like home when He said, “I Love you, Ari.”

I knew then that this match was dreamed up in heaven long ago. Surfaces of my soul that had always felt lost and vulnerable had actually been fashioned to rest against the warm surface of Love.

“Your heart matches Mine,” my Invisible Companion affirmed with a nod.

It´s why I keep coming back to this hillside. It´s why I won´t look anywhere else for answers. Here I met my God. Here my heart met its match.  

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Ancient Road


Yes, I know the new road is paved.
I know the new road saves a lot of time.
I know the new road is clearly marked
I know the new road is less steep.
  Yes, I know that everyone uses the new road now.

But what about the old road?
The ancient one that is now overgrown.
The ancient one that requires intentionality and determination.
The ancient one that you may have to walk alone. 
The ancient one that brings you to high places of the earth.                                           The ancient one that Enoch walked and that led him home.  

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Don´t Know Why


I don´t know why it happens. Why suddenly I wake up as from a sleep and realize I´ve failed. I´ve hurt someone I love. I have said the wrong thing. I have stood still when I should have made an effort. I have been blind to things that even a blind person would have “seen.”

I wonder how and why. How I got to that place when my intentions were never terrible. Why I find myself having to fix something that I never meant to break.

Disappointment at my failures has a whole new edge to it. Beyond disappointing myself and another person, I have disappointed the God I love. It is unbearable. All I´ve truly desired in recent months is to reflect a vibrant ray of God´s own Love without distortion. I couldn´t do that. I couldn´t reflect Him purely. I stand numb and ashamed. What can a weak and untrustworthy human ever offer to a deeply faithful God?

I don´t know why it happens. But then again…perhaps I do. It drives me to my knees in self-distrust. It humbles me. It is part of a process…God´s process…a process that I won´t ever fully understand…a process that will one day find me stirring with the first morning light and waking up in His own image, His own likeness! One day I will awake incapable of disappointing Him ever again! 

“As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.” Psalm 17:15

Friday, October 3, 2014

My heart

It beats in my chest. They say I should follow it. But this heart I call mine deceives. Who can comprehend it? It confuses me until I don´t know what I really want. Its direction is set towards selfishness…and yet, I hate selfishness.

My identity is in conflict. This space within is a battleground. Who am I? 

I run to hide in the branches of one lone, but insistent, desire—a desire for God. I choose to take refuge in that desire despite its smallness. Enfolded in this possibility, I don´t want to leave. Raging conflicts are tuned out. Somehow I know that I´m close to finding what I´ve lost—my authentic heart.

Climbing to the highest branch, there is quiet. Boldness and coherence invade me. I whisper God´s name…and then hear my voice crying out for Him to take over.

His power filters through hardened layers of that heart I call mine. His reality lovingly subdues all wars. In the ransacked emptiness of a surrendered heart, humility makes replacement possible.    

The hand of my God creates a new heart to fill the silent void. It begins to beat in my chest. My own blood courses through pure and restored channels. I am whole. My true heart has come home. 

Perfect harmony…between God´s heartbeat and mine. And yes, I will follow His heart anywhere. 

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Lost & Found

Eden, I´ve traveled far.
Eden, you are only a memory.
Love, centuries have tainted you.
Love, you once were pure and active.
God, our eyes used to behold you.
God, your selfless flame in us is quenched.
Heart of mine, how you long to be filled.
Heart of mine, where did your innocence go?

Eden, I´ve glimpsed you.
Eden, your nearness surprises.
Love, time has not erased your smile.
Love, your original meaning may be sought.
God, how extreme your sacrifice.
God, your warm passion melting icy hearts.
Heart of mine, swept into a new place.                       Heart of mine, you´ve beat for a true moment in Paradise. 


Friday, August 22, 2014

Invited

It was a simple invitation.

My friends were going on a rock climbing adventure, the text message read. I was invited.

I should not have been surprised, but I was.

For some reason I felt oddly humbled to be included. I felt somehow undeserving of the invitation… Maybe because I knew that girls could have been conveniently excluded from the outing. Maybe because I knew I had no experience, skill, or equipment to contribute to the group.

Though unable to adequately express my gratitude, I treasured my first rock climbing experience as a unique gift…from my friends, from my mom (who captured the moment in photos and permitted me to go), and from my heavenly Father (who gave us the natural world and a spirit of adventure).

The lovely feeling of being invited lingers with me. My mind recalls an invitation I received over 10 months ago—an invitation to the endless adventure of discovering the depths of God´s wondrous Love. As morning sunlight warms my face, I realize again—God is calling, inviting me to experience the next page of adventure with Him.

I am invited. Not because anything I´ve done merits being included on this expedition. Not because God needs someone with experience, skill or equipment (which I don´t have). He just wants the pleasure of my company! He wants to give me the abundant life!

The adventure is for you too. You are invited!   

     

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Most Valuable Friend

(Aware that the following exchange could sound presumptuous to some ears, I delayed in sharing it. However, with time I realized that it is no more presumptuous to share this experience than for any of us fallen human beings to sing hymn 186 out loud. It is perhaps better to not risk missing the chance to give a glimpse or reminder of how real a friendship with God can be. It may be me, after all, in need of such a reminder.)

Excerpt – Hymn 186
I´ve found a Friend; oh, such a Friend!
He loved me ere I knew Him;
He drew me with the cords of Love,
And thus He bound me to Him.
  
I have this Friend. We met to hang out at the bridge yesterday. We talked, pondered things together, and just sat peacefully in growing knowledge of each other.

As I got up to leave He said, “Thank you for being my friend even though I´m invisible.”

Struck by His heart-felt gratitude, I replied, “Of course. Thank You for being my friend even though I´m often too deaf to hear You and too hard-hearted to believe You.”   

He spoke softly, “Let´s never stop being friends. Never stop trying to get to know Me.”

At that exact moment I knew. I realized that the beginnings of my friendship with my Savior were real! Why else would the most joyous part of my Sabbath involve seeking His invisible company on top of an old bridge?

I confess…I like Him. He makes me smile. He has the uncanny ability of lightening my heart at any hour of the day. He doesn´t mind when I´m quiet, although He also seems delighted when I have lots to say. I, in turn, have learned not to mind when He is quiet. I listen when He is brimming with pent-up emotions, whether happy or sad. He speaks only true things to me. I treasure the smallest of insights into His way of thinking. I like being here for Him. He is always there for me. Yes, I like Him very much indeed and find Him entirely Lovely!

Half-walking, half-skipping to my car, I quip, “If You don´t mind the barriers to our friendship, then I don´t either!” (My demure way of saying, “If You can put up with me then I´m sticking around because You are amazing!)

He didn´t have to reply because I knew what He was thinking…sometimes friends know things like that.   

Friday, August 1, 2014

Deep...not complicated

A glance into the mirror and I remember how simple I am. Just a fumbling girl with no special attributes and little to recommend me. And yet, I cannot make myself ignore God calling out to me from all directions.

Me: I´m just a very simple girl, Father God. Why do you desire me so intently?

God: Actually…I´m simple too.

Me: You? No. If you were simple, more people would understand you.

God: No, truly, I am not complicated. When things don´t make sense or when you feel far from me, you conclude that I must be complicated. But I am not...I am simply deep. People complicate me…the truth of me. They too often confuse my depth with complexity. I am actually very simple. 

I sink into musing, for how God has just defined Himself to me is new.

God is Love. He wants simple things...He wants me to know true Love.

His Love—not complicated, just deep.


For Sure

God is a master communicator. He takes my question and turns it upside down. I end up not knowing whether to smile or cry. I feel ridiculous and enlightened all in one glorious moment.

“Are You sure?” I questioned God, “Are You sure that you have chosen me for this?”

A new dimension of God´s purpose for my life had been tumbling about in my head for several days. As I leaned against the cement bridge after work, a sense of incredulity and inadequacy was my companion. Surely there had to be someone more equipped to fulfill this calling.  

“Are You sure that I´m the right person to ask?”

I could almost hear His quiet laugh as He confidently replied, “I´m sure. I´m absolutely sure.”

“Are YOU sure?” God threw back at me.

“Sure of what?” I asked uncertainly.

“Are YOU sure that I have chosen you? Are YOU convinced that this is my calling for you?”

Silence. The syllables of realization fell into place. God knew that what really, truly mattered was not His being sure, but my being sure. It would make no difference how absolutely confident God was in His choice if I was not willing to internalize His confidence as fact. He could be 100% certain, but if I was doubtful then moving forward was impossible.

His question lingers. Am I sure? Am I convinced that God has chosen me? Do I accept that He has not chosen me generically or arbitrarily, but with insight, precision, and deep knowledge of who I am?

God has likewise chosen you to walk in the light of a unique calling. Are YOU sure?

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you…” John 15:16
“…give diligence to make your calling and election sure…” II Peter 1:10         

Monday, July 21, 2014

Constant...Not Rote

First rays of the sun hitting the wall over my bed. Retracing their path through the window at the same angle as they did last July. Not much different than yesterday. I sit up…my eyes squinting and my heart calmly beating in my chest. The rhythm within and without continues. Not much different than yesterday. Not much different than any given dawn in the past 27 years of my existence.

Every once in a while, though, something happens. Something happens that makes you look at the rising sun in wonder, as if beholding a miraculous and mystical reality. Something happens…such as when the heart of one you love ceases to beat…and suddenly today is completely different than yesterday. The sun´s appearance is no longer a rote happening. The mechanical contractions of the heart seem not so mechanical. Life takes on preciousness.

Something new has entered my consciousness this morning. A new truth. It is this—God Loves me…today.

Like the first rays of the sun, I initially thought this truth was not much different than yesterday. God has always Loved me. Every day, every moment. He proved His Love was of the deepest possible caliber on Calvary. I´ve known this since I was a small girl. But wait…can´t you see? TODAY HE CHOSE TO LOVE ME AGAIN!!! TODAY HIS LOVE FOR ME DRIPS OF NEWNESS!!! Can you capture it? His Love is constant, but it is never rote.    

While Love of divine magnitude was made evident at the cross, it did not find conclusion there. God mindfully lives out His Love to us each day much like a devoted husband or wife will choose to make the marriage vows a vibrant reality on a daily basis. Spouses forget their promise at times. He does not forget. He anticipates the sound of my alarm clock so He can wash my soul with fresh Love…not simply because He has to keep up His end of the bargain or because He cannot deny His own essence, but because He longs for me to know that I am of unprecedented value to Him and vital to His happiness.

I hear Him quietly say, “Hey, little one, guess what? Today…yes, today I Love you!”  It´s a new truth…for both Him and me. It takes a moment for this incredible confession to sink in. When it begins to, His emotion is contagious. The sun´s appearance is no longer a rote happening. The mechanical contractions of the heart seem not so mechanical. Life takes on preciousness.

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.” Psalm 143:8




[ROTE (adj.) proceeding mechanically and repetitiously; being mechanical and repetitious in nature; routine; habitual.]

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Full Circle

I was back. Nine months later. The same camp grounds where it had sparked.

Sitting on the dilapidated remnants of an old wagon, the morning coolness reached through my sweatshirt. I felt expectant about the coming week of summer camp. I wondered why God had brought me back to this specific place.

This place had seen the first unexpected tears that ran down my cheeks when I realized God had never been the true Love and passion of my days. Nine months ago I began to see. I peered into myself and glimpsed my lackluster devotion to my Savior. I saw that I had only entertained passing pieces of God´s Love for me and had never grasped them and made them mine.

Midway through the week of camp, I cried alone under the night sky. I cried because I was seeing myself once more…I was seeing myself in the eyes of each of my seven campers. Each one of them was me—a girl who beneath all my exterior fronts would simply like to know whether there is such a thing as true Love and how in the world to let that Love into my heart.

I looked towards the cots where the girls slept. My heart ached for each one to know the Love of their Father God. Nine months ago a similar ache was felt in God´s chest as He watched me sleep…longing to penetrate my blind, oblivious, independent, self-centered soul.

I was back. Full circle. Amazed. Stunned by God´s grace in my life. Hopeful that true Love would never stop seeking us.

Truly, each of those girls is no farther than I was from hearing the whisper… “So listen, little girl, somewhere there´s a King who will Love you forever. And nothing in the world could ever come between you, my love, and this Lover.”*


*Taken from lyrics by Andrew Peterson

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Way, Truth, Life


I start out and He is simply the WAY,
The road I´m walking on, the direction I´m choosing, the One I´m following because I´m compelled to think that this WAY will bring me peace, blessing, and heaven itself.

I continue and the TRUTH of Him sinks in,
The trustworthiness of this path beneath my feet, the glimpses of insight into my own ineptness, the scars I touch when He reaches out His strong hand, the feeling of being pulled by grace and carried by a Love I never knew before.

I fall, I skip, I re-think, I rest, I persist, I cry, I seek, I wonder.

One day I will round a bend and realize in amazement…that He has become my LIFE...

The goal no longer being peace, blessing, or even heaven…but more of Him. Every breath in my lungs being breathed not only through Him or by Him, but for Him. The attractive Love in His eyes now shining out of mine as well.  

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Ocean, Laughter, and Jesus

His name is Ocean. He is my nephew. His birthday is the day before mine. He just turned 6. He prefers living in the country because he likes “open spaces” (direct quote). We both like green.  Fruit popsicles are our favorite.

Two days ago we spent the afternoon together for our annual June birthday outing. After a bike ride and eating lunch, we ended up at the beach. True to form there quickly appeared the uncontrolled smile and giggly glee that overtake Ocean whenever he´s near water. It´s of no use rolling up his pants…he´ll get wet regardless. His excitement was contagious. We ran along the shore making sand fortresses for the next wave to wash away. We laughed while our fortresses dissolved. We laughed when Ocean fell into the cold surf. We laughed when the water made our feet numb. We laughed while I attempted one-handed cartwheels.

I would like to think, that although there is no record of Jesus ever having laughed, that He was laughing and dashing with us on the Humboldt County sands. 

I would like to think that when Jesus said “of such is the kingdom of heaven,” He spoke of a group of little ones that included a six year-old, water-loving boy with a carefree, infectious laugh. 

I would like to think that as Jesus hung on the cross that part of the joy that gave Him strength to endure was a picture of Ocean and I jumping with glee on the beach. 

He died to give us that moment of pure joy…He died to give us an eternity of such moments. He longs for the day when He can laugh like a kid and run with His excited, rambunctious children along the shores of a river clear as crystal.   

  

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Before We Meet

Dear Beating Heart, Tiny Boy, Baby Nephew…

You´re on my mind.

Of course you´re on my mind. It´s past your due date and you´re on everybody´s mind (most especially your waiting mom´s)! :D

But you´re in my thoughts more than superficially, baby number four. I´ve had the excitement of awaiting a nephew before, but this is the first time I´ve ever waited for you—waited to see your eyes, hear your voice, cradle your head, and officially introduce myself as your Tía Ana. I have loved your brother and sisters, but this joy is different for you are entirely your own person. I will love you in completely unique ways because you are unique. To love you before I´ve ever seen you is a priceless privilege.

You have a great future, unborn one! Your first touch will be from your Grandpa Ruben. You will make your Papa´s blue eyes shine when he gets to hold you. You will grow up with a Mom who has one of the most beautiful faces in the world and, more significantly, a beautiful heart. You will see green trees surrounding you and you will breathe mountain air. There will be three rambunctious people who will jump on your bed and want to hug you and feed you and, soon enough, tease you. You will be bright. You will be blessed.

Lovely as she waits

You are going to make a mark on earth´s history that no one else can make. I know you are destined for greatness and I will look on in amazement at your abilities. A lifetime will not be enough to appreciate your uniqueness, so please promise me that you will believe in and learn to Love the God of eternity! He put breath in you for not just an earth-bound future, but for a heavenly one as well—a future filled with the most satisfying Love you can imagine!

Oh little life, I love you and my excitement grows with each second. But that is nothing compared to the brimming anticipation of the One who Loves you most…He saw your face long ago and you captured His heart.

You´re on His mind.


Love, Tía Ana

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Annoyed by...

 I was annoyed.

(Lately it seems whenever I confess to someone that I was annoyed, they do a double-take and with shock in their tone say, “You get annoyed?”  To set the records of my reputation straight—Yes, Ariana gets annoyed by others like all normal human beings. Similarly, I am at times annoyed without being able to explain the reason why.) 

Last week was strange. My cousin was visiting for several days and I normally would have enjoyed every second of his company. Not only is he a cousin who I care for (as I cherish all my cousins), but he is a cousin with whom I have shared poignant spiritual conversations and experiences.
  
However, this time a vague annoyance would steal over me whenever he entered the room. He knew I was determined to finish some work projects and so he would mostly come into my room just to lie on the mattress and read a book. But just knowing he was in the room annoyed me. I couldn´t explain my annoyance except to say that I felt he was somehow silently expecting something of me.  If he happened to come up to my computer desk and ventured to ask “Whatcha doing?”  (a question that to me had all too obvious of an answer), I would have to take a deep breath in order to give a minimally polite response. This was not a passing case of annoyance. It was full-blown.I hid my annoyance fairly well and hoped it would pass. I was too busy to think or pray about it for too long. 

One afternoon we decided to stop and talk to God at a favorite bridge of mine on the way home. The day was brilliant and filled with wind. As we shared our spiritual contemplations with each other and with God, I felt all trace of annoyance with my cousin disappear.

Getting in the car and driving away, it hit me. I knew why I had been so annoyed.  My cousin´s expectations were impossible to avoid.  He expected me to have new spiritual insight. He expected continuation of conversations about God´s Love. He expected the spontaneous prayer times we both reveled in. He expected the excitement in my voice. He expected the intense seeking after God in my daily living. Without saying anything out loud, he was looking for all these things in me and I reacted negatively to the pressure of these expectations.

My cousin was not the only expectant one. Nor was he the only one I was inwardly annoyed at. God was likewise expectant. Truthfully, I was annoyed by God—by His expectations. How could He expect above-average performance from an average girl? How could He expect a totally transformed life? How could He expect my hand to cling tenaciously to His? How could He expect more sacrifice? How could He expect ceaseless passion from a girl who gets tired and has work deadlines?

But then again, how could He not? He has said I am His and He is mine…thus making ALL things attainable and ALL things a joy through His Love. (Lesson learned). 

Friday, May 23, 2014

Quiet Love

It creeps up so silently…catching me off guard every time.

I am overtaken.

I stop surrendered in mid-stride.

I turn around slowly to confront my conqueror.

I find only the sun as it ascends over the treetops, or a tiny flower posing near my feet, or my niece smiling up at me, or the twinkling of the first star, or the tune of my sister´s whistle, or the wind touching my brow, or the echo of a Psalm written centuries ago.

It is then I remember that the truest Love is the quietest kind that does not demand attention or require noisy evidences. It is, in fact, easily passed by…often ignored and misunderstood.

It surrounds us. Yet we walk on without a nod towards the invisible.

For some reason (pure grace most likely), I am occasionally awoken by a subtle tap on my heart. The Love of my God steals over me; I cannot resist it. I fall captive to His quiet Love. 

Monday, May 19, 2014

I don´t believe you

It was a sinking and momentarily devastating feeling. No one had ever told me that they seriously doubted my sincerity. Two things made the admission worse—the fact that it came from a friend and the fact that their disbelief concerned an experience that was extremely beautiful to my heart.

I listened...too crushed to say much. I did my best to understand. Tears surfaced. (To think, I had evoked mistrust and doubt in a friend´s mind by how I had lived or spoken or acted.) I immediately wanted to identify where I had gone wrong. Was I truly as insincere as I had been perceived? Were my words perhaps not trustworthy at all? I thanked my friend for their honesty. Our friendship grew after that conversation, but I cannot completely forget the feeling it gave me—to not be trusted, to not be believed. 

Over the months a growing realization is that it is me who, after years of “belief in God,” has never TRULY believed half of what God has spoken and done in Love towards me. Unlike me, God´s heart is infinitely sincere. I prance around His miracles and enjoy the light of His pursuing Love while holding on to partial, superficial belief in Him. With a lifetime of outward belief on my résumé (church goer, scripture memorizer, hymn singer, etc.), where is the absolute belief that would seep into my every day and tinge my every conscious thought? Where is the radical faith that would make my eyes glow with peace and Love beyond measure? Having whispered the words “I love You” to God, can I make decisions that shout “But I only half-believe most of what You say?” Can I doubt the sincerity of One who wordlessly died to give me life?

We have believed in enough counterfeits, have we not? We try to prove ourselves or our ideas worthy of belief. We have believed in things…the power of prayer, the necessity of belief itself, our denominational doctrines, the Christian virtues. Our belief must become deeper and simpler. God seeks one who will simply believe in His Name. His Name is Love. Love cannot lie. Love keeps its promises. With our wavering hearts, we fall short of absolute belief in this life-changing Love. We doubt syllables, phrases, and entire sentences of His truth. Oh God, help thou our unbelief.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Waking Up

Sleepy eyes. Time to get up. Unmotivated.

I don´t want to think about the school and work assignments that await me.

The horizon is just beginning to turn light. My window frames a piece of the changing sky. In my drowsiness a wave of nostalgia hits me—I guess if I´m honest I actually must say a wave of sadness.

I miss Him. The clouds have still not rolled back as a scroll. His glory has not yet broken through the atmosphere, making everything right again. Another morning without seeing His face. It´s almost too much to bear at 5:50 a.m.    

I imagine the framed piece of the sky being a door to heaven. Maybe if I stare at it long enough. Maybe if I relentlessly look up it will swing open and I will see the joyous and tearful face of my God rushing to let me feel His arms for the first time.

But I am still on this side of the door…and He on the other. Could it be He is more anxious than I, with His scarred hand expectantly hovering near the door handle? Heart beating fast? Longing to end His millennia of loneliness…waiting to fling aside the separation and take away earth´s pain forever.
 
A lonely yet lovely tune reaches my ears. I´m not imagining it. The bird sings on and I know it is God´s chosen musician. Dawning realization is that, despite everything, this morning has been anointed by Love—my feeble love for Him and His aching Love for me.  All becomes bearable…because I have heard the Love song.    


Monday, April 28, 2014

More.

I struggle with believing. I know so very little. I am, however, convinced of the following.

There is more.

(People don´t remind me of this enough. And so I become adjusted to the self-righteous status quo and satisfied with a slightly above-average level of good deeds and efforts. I do just enough and achieve just enough to consider myself completely happy…most of the time.)

There is more to life, more to God, more to true Love…more than has ever met your eye or entered your imagination.

(Most people don´t look for the “more.” And so I don´t look either because such a search wouldn´t be applauded or understood. I fear the risk of pursuing something Intangible, because what if it´s actually not there?)

Whether you are smiling or crying, brimming with faith or full of doubt, in love with the world or in love with Jesus, indifferent or intrigued, a redeemed sinner or a hollow saint, or anywhere in between…please take a moment to consider—there is MORE.

(People like me gloss over their emptiness and others are overwhelmed by it. Either way finds us wasting away our days and years acquiring more things, debts, pride, experiences, blessings, human knowledge…but missing out on the “more” we were destined for.)

If you have glimpsed a Love of a different order—there is more to be experienced. If you have been disillusioned by people you trusted or ideologies you believed—there is more to life. If you have inherited a blurry or contradictory picture of God´s character—there is more to God. If you think you know what real love is—there is more to true Love. There is more in the limitless heart of God. Undeniable Love? Breath-taking depths? Safe places? Yes, there is more.  

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Gentleman


“Here, let me get the door for you.”

The fact that it was a car door threw me off. No one had ever intentionally quickened their step in order to open a car door for me. Weren´t things like that usually done for ladies in formal dresses on special occasions, not for girls in mud-covered hiking boots on ordinary days? It felt strange and—being rendered temporarily speechless—I got into the car without even a word of thanks.  

Controversial discussions on gender dynamics aside, I have a growing respect for sincere gentlemanly behavior. Such behavior is truly an above-average blend of respect, honor, and humility, and should never be considered antiquated unless somehow we no longer find those three traits meaningful. Interestingly enough, the same three traits also characterize a dying mode of behavior among women—ladylikeness.

Flashback to the first days of 2014. The wind was biting cold and I was openly shivering as my sister, two cousins, and a friendly middle-aged couple stood waiting for the bus to pick us up from outreach at GYC-Orlando. I was not dressed warmly, I admit…but who would have expected such freezing weather in Florida? We chatted with the couple and the gentleman calmly took off his thick, flannel-lined coat. With one confident movement he placed it around my shoulders while saying, “Could you hold this for me?” I was not speechless that time and gave him my sincerest smile and thanks.

These instances have left an impression on my heart. They bring to mind another gentleman I´ve been privileged to know. He takes His own robe and covers my rags, all the while being sensitive to make me feel like I´m doing Him a favor by accepting His gift. He is not too proud to give me more chances than I deserve when I despise His Love and grace. He offers to carry my burdens. He willingly forgives. He is valiantly protective of me and yet always gives me the right to choose. He offers a strong arm whenever I am weary. He hurries to open doors for me and yet knocks patiently at the door of my heart instead of demanding entrance. He leaves spring flowers where He knows I will find them and be delighted (which makes Him more than just a gentleman, but a romantic gentleman at that).

It feels strange…being the recipient of such behavior…but it melts me every time. What can one do with such a God—such a Gentleman—but Love, serve, and be devoted to Him forever?