The Picture

He holds the picture close. There´s something about the way his fingers cradle it—lovingly, carefully, and yet so firmly (as if afraid any strong gust of wind might steal it away). The picture is worn on the edges, but it is obviously precious to him.

Heavenly light shines briefly on the picture´s surface. When I catch a glimpse, I step back in awe. The picture is beautiful—all that is pure, strong, and touched by grace! The image reminds me so much of my Savior Jesus that it takes me several minutes to realize…it´s a picture of me. It´s a picture of what I am destined to be, a picture of how God dreams of me, a picture of me made new, me transformed completely by heaven´s deep atmosphere of Love.

It is then I understand. This picture is his link to undying hope. You see, I disappointed him today; I crushed the hopes he cherished for his child. I trampled the faith he had in me and brought disgrace to the name I bear. I fell short and broke his innocent trust in my potential.

I find myself before him, seeking reconciliation. I had never considered what might run through his mind as he extends forgiveness to me for the umpteenth time, as he prepares to place his oft-broken, fragile heart back into my clumsy, human hands, as he floods me with love without thinking twice. He steals a glance at the picture of what I can become while he willingly trusts me again with his love, his heart, and his friendship (which I have already betrayed countless times before).

I see why he clings to the picture. Without it he may have given up long ago, he may have forgotten what he was fighting for. He is fighting (with powerful weapons of love, grace, and forgiveness) for the day when that picture will be a reality. Someday he will let the breeze sweep the picture afar because I will have become what he always dreamed of and there will be implicit trust between us, forever.  

"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure." I John 3:2, 3

LOVE GIVES

I had never met anyone like Him. For some reason, He thought Love was about giving…not giving the minimum, but giving ALL. When He told me He loved me without measure, I didn´t have an answer. When He told me that I was enough, that I (a simple girl sitting on a hillside with my knees tucked under my chin) could make Him happy forever, I could not believe it and so I just cried.

Me: “What can I give you? What is in this for you?”

God: “Just trust me with your heart, and love me.”

Me: “But will you give me the love to love you, because my heart is empty?”

God: “Yes, I´ll give you everything if you let me.”

Me: “Why would you want to give me everything?”

God: “Because that´s what true love dreams about, giving everything to the one cherished.” 

It took me awhile to realize that the ONLY reason He wanted me to love Him back was so that He could give more of Himself to me. He wanted my fragile, small heart so He could give me His. He asks for my love so He can give me limitless, overwhelming visions of Paradise. What makes Him happy to the divine extreme is seeing me wordlessly and joyously standing in the rain of His eternal Giving. God longs not to get anything but to give everything. True love gives all, and God is love. “For God so loved the world that he GAVE.” Oh, to capture this love!   

His Burden is Light

Sometimes the burden seems unwieldy—undefined in shape and weight. But I´ve never considered not carrying it. I´ve never wished it away. I´ve never wanted things to go back to “normal.” My heart accepted the embrace of this strange heaviness because it brought God closer, and the joy is sweet of stumbling and finding God´s arms beneath you. This burden makes me breathless, and at times I´m at a loss as to what to do with it. This burden pushes me down and humbles me…I´m not used to being pushed down so intensely. The downward impetus drives me to my knees where I cry openly before God and realize that this is where I have always belonged.   

I do not readily understand why, why me, why now. I see glimmers of heavenly reasoning, but I don´t see the big picture. I stifle my human need for explanation. It is not God´s purpose for me to fully know; His desire is for me to fully accept. The weight within keeps me from seeing very far ahead and sometimes blocks out the sun completely.

But I refuse to let go…I don´t even think of escaping. The simple thought of losing this burden devastates me. I cling to it because the One who placed it on me is also helping me bear it, and I cannot risk losing that closeness to Him. When I only see darkness, He knows where I´m at. When it seems too heavy, my weakness makes Him stronger. In my overwhelmed existence, new dimensions of God´s character reveal themselves. The feeling of being near such Divine beauty causes everything else to fade. I would not trade such an experience. The experience brought on by this burden propels me along some invisible path.  Almost like the burden itself has wings and is carrying me home, deeper into my Father´s heart.

 

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

What Jesus Dreams of...

Have you ever pursued a dream relentlessly? Have you ever had a rather outlandish hope of accomplishing or conquering something? Have you ever set your heart on achieving something that others considered crazy at best, if not just plain impossible? Whether or not they actually say so, your companions hope you´ll give up the impossible dream, or at least set your sights considerably lower. For an inexplicable reason, however, you keep dreaming. You expend your energy and time working toward your goal. You refuse to let the moments of hurt, defeat, and failure along the way faze you.  

If ambition is your strong suit, perhaps this has been your experience. On the other hand, if you´re like me, you play it practical and only pursue “reasonable” goals.

My next question is going to sound weird: Have you ever died in the pursuit of a dream?

Obviously, if you´re reading this, your answer is “No.”

But Jesus did. His dream was of more value to Him than His own life.

He renounced the glory He knew, to live and die for what He loved. He rose again, conquering death, and with fresh passion returned to the self-less path of pursuit – pursuit of His one true dream.

What actually WAS this dream of His?

Well, basically……you. You are Jesus´ dream.

His thoughts are consumed with you. All His most beautiful plans are centered on you. He endlessly contemplates strategies for catching your attention and winning your devotion. Every morning He forgets that you crushed His dreams the day before. He simply wishes His love would overwhelm you.  

A simple fact of your life - Jesus has loved you all these years, with all His heart, all His soul, and all His might. Against all odds, He dreams of at least one of His children being as passionate about Him as He is about them. His dream seems outlandish. He´s dreaming that one day you will purely love Him…not because He NEEDS your love in the grand scheme of things, but because being in a superficial, one-sided relationship with you breaks His lover´s heart. The disconnect between you and him burdens His soul. He doesn´t just want your hand. He doesn´t need you to play the Christianity game. He doesn´t need you to say the right thing, or say anything at all.  He´s just longing for you to receive His love and love Him back. And He won´t give up.  

Because He first loved me...

Sometimes less is more. I could expound on the why, how, where.  But I will simply state the WHAT. Today I am broken. I am sorry. I am ready to fall in love with the One I have been marginalizing all these years. The Holy Spirit drove the truth deep into my heart through a series of inner events. The truth—I have never LOVED God as I should.

God loves us with a passion, and at times with quiet desperation…all He wants is to be LOVED back. I have not responded to Him. I have been enamored with idea of knowing God, of praying to Him, of doing good things for others, but I have failed to learn how to LOVE Him in the true deepness of that word.

LOVE. I have appreciated God, and liked talking to Him. I have believed in God, and often felt Him nearby. I have spoken of God, and shared much truth. But what He most wants, I have cheated Him out of—adoring, all-consuming love in my heart towards Him. It´s as if I have been taking advantage of One who is deeply in love with me. I´ve been using the things and blessings He showers on me. I have told others how great it is to be in a relationship with Jesus. There were times that the sweet touches of Him pursuing me melted away my natural coldness.  And yet, all in all, my love for Him has been rather shallow and passionless.

I have become comfortable being in a courting relationship with God, a rather one-sided courting relationship at that. All this time, He has been pouring Himself into this relationship, into this dream of me one day loving Him enough to marry Him. He has focused on the positive, seeing my potential and seeing the best in me. His influence has moved me to act and live my life a certain way. He has not complained about the minimal amount of emotion that I invest back into our relationship.

I am broken. I am sorry, Father God. You have witnessed my tears. I have stood you up time and time again. I have left you waiting in the perimeters of my heart, in the hallway of my house. But, I am ready to fall in love. Come in. Teach me how to love. Speak to me the kindest and most endearing words that I tuned out before because I loved things and others above you. I want to be enchanted by you, melted by your patience, captured by your steady devotion. Forgive the practical mindset, the self-centeredness, and independence that have kept you at a distance. I want to commit. I want to fulfill your desires. I want to LOVE you.

A Poem You Are

A girl with bright eyes turns four today. Here are a few words to celebrate the niece whose life, personality, twirls, and laughs are like lines of poetry.  

It was before you were born.

I dreamt of you.

You were a poem,

A line of meaning.

I awoke with a smile of joy.  

But I soon forgot why.

I tried remembering,

How the words I had dreamt

Flowed together like running water,

And sang harmony with the rocks.

I searched the horizon,

For the lost blur of syllables

That had whispered such sweetness.

I looked into your eyes one day.

And then had to look again.

I glimpsed a word that rhymed

With the sky, and yet another

That defined the waves at my feet.

I saw meaning floating

In the depths of your smile.

You are the poem.

You are the dream.

You have found my arms.

And I awake with smiles once more.  

Calling Home

Right below HARPER MOTORS, just above HUGO. :) 

I see the name I´m looking for and hit the call button on my cell—HOME.

I can barely remember the last time I looked forward to a phone call with this kind of anticipation and need. I´ve been away from my house often enough in the last month (family reunion in Utah and my brother´s wedding in So. Cal.), but not away from the dear ones who are my HOME.

My heart beats slightly faster as the phone rings. Uncertain times have made my soul thirsty for hearing my mom or my sister´s voice. They pick up and I move to a comfortable sitting position on the pebbly concrete—it´s like I´m home again.

People sing about home frequently, that idealized place where you belong or feel safe. We long for it while knowing that not everyone has a HOME that evokes positive thoughts. Not everyone has HOME listed among their cellphone contacts.

Earthly homes are fragile and often transitory. But never forget that the comfort of home can be found on your knees.  The glow of our lasting, perfect HOME is always just a prayer away.      

“…if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself…” John 14:3

“…to them I will give in My house and within My walls a place and a name better than that of sons and daughters…” Isaiah 56:5