To Whom Would We Go?

I stand amazed. For no one compares to Him.

At the end of a busy week, on the brink of another that appears even more daunting, I turn to Him.

I consider the weakness and nothingness I have to offer God when He deserves so much. I think of how much I need His wisdom and strength, and yet how little I have prayed. I mentally analyze this desire I have to Love Him purely and serve Him energetically, and I contrast that with how much I actually do.

I gather these thoughts together and present them to Him. I’m not proud of them. They make my heart heavy. But I offer them to Him because they are sincere. I offer them to Him because I have nowhere else to go.

He does not turn away.

“Father, I am here, because to where else or to whom else would I go. My eyes have seen that You are gracious. I have known the touch of Your hand. My days are surrounded with the happiness and Love that You alone bestow. I can’t stop believing in the One who believes so steadily in me. You are too true, oh God, and thus, when my heart wanders, it always comes back to You.”

I will stand amazed often during my journey here. For no one compares to Him.  

Jesus said to the twelve, “You don’t want to go away too, do you?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God!”  John 6:67, 68

Courtship is Not the Answer

The concept of courtship (viewed as an alternative to dating) is at times controversial. Greatly acclaimed by some, it is likewise highly scorned by others. There is nothing sacred about the word “courtship” as compared to the word “dating.” Courtship is not a magic wand that can suddenly transform a romantic relationship into a holy pursuit. It is not a miracle cure for the world´s relationship ills.  As a term, a concept or a set of principles, courtship is not the answer. I am more convinced every day that there is only One Answer in this world, and His name is Jesus. So why do I choose to use the word courtship at all?

Let me clarify something really important. I learned from personal mistakes that courtship is not about saying “no” when asked out on dates, it is not about potential suitors talking to your parents, it is not about going out on group dates instead of dates alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend, it is not about not having sex or not kissing your partner prematurely, and it is most definitely not about trying to be different from the world by sheer will-power. 

Courtship is deeper than outward behavior. Courtship is a matter of the heart and the heart of the matter is Submission.

Submission may not sound very inviting, but it is the most peaceful place in the whole world—a place where deep joy and freedom abound. When I use the word courtship, it encompasses principles that apply long before I meet “the one” and which continue to be relevant after marriage and into eternity. Courtship is:

1. Submitting my emotions/feelings to the truth of God.

2. Submitting my future to the wisdom and Love of God.

While our emotions are an incredible gift from God, they are not to be our guide, especially when we´re talking about life´s most important decisions. Surrendering our fantasies, attraction and romantic feelings to God (yes, even when the other person is a wonderful, godly potential partner) takes away the emotional clutter and distraction from our hearts and minds so that God can make the first move, so that God can give us clear indicators when it´s the right person and the right time.

We often are in danger of elevating ourselves above God and thinking we know more about how to bring about a beautiful future for us than He does. A true follower has cast his life into the hands of the master. Don´t you agree that the most beautiful love stories will result from casting our lives into the hands of Love itself? When we learn day by day to fully trust Him and be satisfied with Him, our hearts can be set free from concern about who or where our future spouse is.

In God´s great wisdom, He has prepared parents or godly mentors who help us take our submission experience deeper yet. Sadly, many young people outwardly go to friends, family or pastors for counsel but are inwardly not willing to submit to that counsel due to their emotions that are already invested in a certain guy/girl. In turn, many parents, pastors and mentors are unprepared to give good counsel that would draw forth a greater experience in submission. However, if you know that your parents or mentors have a true connection with the God of heaven, there should be no fear but rather great peace and rest in knowing that they are on your side, they will fight for your future happiness and will guard you from unwise decisions.   

The principles of courtship draw my eyes away from self-trust and call me towards the sweet Lover of my soul. 

Courtship should never be put on a pedestal. Courtship, in and of itself, is not the answer, but it points me to the Answer. The principles of courtship remind me Who should be at the center of my thoughts, heart and life. You may call it by a different name, but for me courtship comes down to an attitude of the heart, an attitude of dependence and submission that I believe greatly pleases the Creator.  

He Writes

Several months have passed since posting any thoughts. I may have subconsciously wanted to give it a break and see if I would miss it. Or perhaps, I wanted to be sure of all of my motives.

With finals done, a lull in my work schedule, and the rain keeping me indoors, I´ve felt nudged by a still, small voice to make writing a priority again. I have been reminded of how much writing means to me. Writing brings greater introspection and awareness. Writing gives clarity, perhaps because the letters are arranged at regular intervals on a white page and neatly lined up in rows. The written words are, much like photographs, my souvenirs of having lived.

And so, I write. I want to write about Him—the tireless Writer. For when everyone gives up, He writes. When the present with its joys and troubles is all we can see, He writes eternal thoughts. When we think surely He has abandoned us, He still writes in a quiet corner. When in our weakness we are swept away by enemy floods, He wages war with His pen and rescues us.

His intent is simple, almost childish. His hands hold a writing tablet and He etches, a millimeter at a time, all things beautiful. But four letters take precedence.  An L, an O…and with painstaking precision a V and an E. Over and over, He carefully seeks another empty surface on the same tablet and begins again. He will not stop until it is perfect, until every space and corner is filled with His Love. He who has begun this good work will surely complete it.

And this is my hope. For when I am not faithful, I am called back and still God writes.

“The tablets were written on both sides; on the one side and on the other they were written. Now the tablets were the work of God and the writing was the writing of God engraved on the tablets.” (Exodus 32:15, 16)

“…not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is, of the heart.” (2 Corinthians 3:3)

“…this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.” (Jeremiah 31:33) 

Re-minded

June 18. L.A. airport. Saying goodbye. My birthday gift.

“It wasn´t supposed to make you cry,” Joshua says. 

“It can be good to cry, Josh,” I reply, “these are not sad tears.”

I hold the notebook in my hands, turning the pages with incredulity. They remind me…of how God works, of His endless depth, of His heart-stirring call to a simple girl.

The notebook filled with reminders is an amazing gift. Likewise, the boy who gave me the notebook is also an amazing reminder from God—a reminder who brings joy to my existence and talks to me.

God knows I am forgetful and weak. I need reminders. Without them I will waste hours and days and years pursuing goals that get me no closer to lasting happiness. 

Where might I be without reminders?  Without a mother who prays for me, without friends who show me grace, without my Bible waiting at my bedside? Where might I be without kindred spirits who send me messages saying that they are praying that I will draw closer to Jesus´ heart this year than ever before? 

In life the stakes are high, but I forget. The Love is deep, but I turn from it. The God of my soul surrounds me, but I am blinded.

He sends me reminders in many shapes and sizes. Some of them I recognize and they make me cry at His goodness.

I close the notebook…fully re-minded.

“…but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind…”  

Infinite Need (Part 2)

I didn´t even know my own NEED. It was this growing sense that found me walking aimlessly and troubled through the snowy woods. “Oh, to know my poverty, to see my wretchedness, and to feel my need,” I kept thinking over and over. God´s piercing light was working to drill through my autonomy and blinding self-sufficiency. Truth be told, I was slightly terrified that He would never break through and that I would be stuck forever with a proud, lonely, and lost heart.

I sat down on a fallen tree and began to cry. The stunning sunset colors only seemed to represent an amazing love that I would never experience if I never felt my true need for redemption. As my shoulders heaved with pent up emotion, I knew that at least momentarily I was needy. I had nowhere else to turn with my desperation. I felt need…a need for something I knew only God could give…a need perhaps for God Himself. His thoughts of hope, patience, and calling intermingled with my anguished ones. He spoke my name and told me my tears were beautiful to Him. I think I knew then that it would be okay. He still wanted me with a passion, despite everything.  

One place we will never leave, throughout all eternity, is the place of needing God. Never will some spiritual level be attained at which our deep need for His love will disappear. Our desire for independence will fade away but our need for His closeness will only wax stronger. He comforted me by showing me that my struggle and tears were the beginning of me NEEDING Him more…NEEDING Him even to instill the greater sense of NEED in me. He was becoming necessary to my soul´s peace and joy.

I stood and leaned against a nearby fir. I glanced to where I had been sitting previously and realized I barely recognized “that” girl…the girl who moments before had sat dejectedly weeping with her face in her hands. Was that really me? So broken? So helpless? So needy for an understanding embrace and loving word from her God?

Yes. That was me and that is me. I found the real me in a perfect place that I cannot risk forgetting or leaving—the place where I need God more than life.

Our need for love is our need for God. Our need for comfort is our need for God´s arms. Our need for hope is our need for God´s unbreakable promise. Our need for truth is our need for His words. We truly need Him! Our inner being thirsts for Him with an infinite and undeniable need!  Our hearts will indeed wither away and perish without their Creator and Sustainer!

We can pretend that intellectual acceptance of our need is enough, but it isn´t. Mental acknowledgement of our dependence on God is simply a springboard from which to dive into a continual and conscious experience of heart-felt, emotional need. How God wishes to be unashamedly needed! Is your need for Him real?

Infinite Need (Part 1)

(previously unpublished from December 2013)

I stepped off the porch steps and my shoes crunched on the mixture of snow, ice, and gravel. My thoughts were far from confident. I was sure of only one thing…well two, actually. I was sure that God´s love was real and I was sure my only hope was in continuing to seek Him. Five days of inner tumult had worn me down emotionally and just breathing in the freezing air caused tears of desperation to form in my eyes. 

I knew I needed God. But that was nothing new; I had known that for years. The fact was I was being convicted to FEEL my pure need for Him. And that was something I had never deeply experienced. 

His Love had been crashing over me like waves of a passionate sea. I had never known love like this before. I was allured by it and wanted to go deeper. The feeling of being loved as I didn´t deserve provoked rays of love in me towards God that were more beautiful than 1000 sunrises. I truly wanted this encounter to continue into eternity. I wanted this love.

But then the question came, “Do you just want my love, or do you need it? Do you just want to be in a relationship with me, or do you desperately need me?”

I could not move past the question (for five days) because both God and I knew the answer. I was well rehearsed and practiced in the art of professing to need God while inwardly relying on the deception that “I was rich, and increased with goods, and had need of nothing.” I wanted to reply to God´s question and say, “Yes, I need you,” but I could not make myself give a response that I did not feel. I did not feel my true need for Him and thus, I could not correspondingly add one more lie to a lifetime of pretense.  

While relishing in the wonder of this new love experience, my heart was yet failing to fully acknowledge or understand my NEED for this experience with God. He knew there was no other way but to ask me directly and to let the question linger until I was broken. “Do you truly need my love? Because if you don't truly need me, I can't ever become your Everything.”

The Prayer That Is My Life

I pace back and forth. My steps taking me past familiar cement pillars. My bridge.

Almost without warning, tears spring naturally to my eyes. I know He is here. I know I matter to Him. I know His emotion toward me will never change.

As I ponder the dynamics of friendship with God at the dawn of 2015, one thought takes hold.

The greatest thing I have ever done was sit on the cement railing of this bridge and say a prayer. Fifteen months ago, I said the words that reflected the heart of a springing conviction.

“I don´t Love You, Father God…but I want to. Show me Your Love. Teach me how to Love You back. Whatever it takes…I won´t rest until I can say that I Love You with all my heart and mean it.”

Much has happened since I said that broken prayer. I have sought God with varying degrees of passion and have at times been completely distracted. But my prayer has not died because I stand here on January 6, 2015, echoing its sentiment with fresh abandon.

Whatever I may have accomplished in my brief life, whatever I may accomplish in the future, the greatest thing I ever will do on this earth has been done—I said that prayer. That prayer has become my constant. May my soul revolve around that prayer! May nothing deter me! May nothing else take priority! May that prayer BE my life-long pursuit—for my soul truly only longs for Him!

Ancient Road

Yes, I know the new road is paved.

I know the new road saves a lot of time.

I know the new road is clearly marked

I know the new road is less steep.

  Yes, I know that everyone uses the new road now.

But what about the old road?

The ancient one that is now overgrown.

The ancient one that requires intentionality and determination.

The ancient one that you may have to walk alone. 

The ancient one that brings you to high places of the earth.                                           The ancient one that Enoch walked and that led him home.  

Lost & Found

Eden, I´ve traveled far.

Eden, you are only a memory.

Love, centuries have tainted you.

Love, you once were pure and active.

God, our eyes used to behold you.

God, your selfless flame in us is quenched.

Heart of mine, how you long to be filled.

Heart of mine, where did your innocence go?

Eden, I´ve glimpsed you.

Eden, your nearness surprises.

Love, time has not erased your smile.

Love, your original meaning may be sought.

God, how extreme your sacrifice.

God, your warm passion melting icy hearts.

Heart of mine, swept into a new place.                       Heart of mine, you´ve beat for a true moment in Paradise. 

For Sure

God is a master communicator. He takes my question and turns it upside down. I end up not knowing whether to smile or cry. I feel ridiculous and enlightened all in one glorious moment.

“Are You sure?” I questioned God, “Are You sure that you have chosen me for this?”

A new dimension of God´s purpose for my life had been tumbling about in my head for several days. As I leaned against the cement bridge after work, a sense of incredulity and inadequacy was my companion. Surely there had to be someone more equipped to fulfill this calling.  

“Are You sure that I´m the right person to ask?”

I could almost hear His quiet laugh as He confidently replied, “I´m sure. I´m absolutely sure.”

“Are YOU sure?” God threw back at me.

“Sure of what?” I asked uncertainly.

“Are YOU sure that I have chosen you? Are YOU convinced that this is my calling for you?”

Silence. The syllables of realization fell into place. God knew that what really, truly mattered was not His being sure, but my being sure. It would make no difference how absolutely confident God was in His choice if I was not willing to internalize His confidence as fact. He could be 100% certain, but if I was doubtful then moving forward was impossible.

His question lingers. Am I sure? Am I convinced that God has chosen me? Do I accept that He has not chosen me generically or arbitrarily, but with insight, precision, and deep knowledge of who I am?

God has likewise chosen you to walk in the light of a unique calling. Are YOU sure?

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you…” John 15:16

“…give diligence to make your calling and election sure…” II Peter 1:10         

Way, Truth, Life

I start out and He is simply the WAY,

The road I´m walking on, the direction I´m choosing, the One I´m following because I´m compelled to think that this WAY will bring me peace, blessing, and heaven itself.

I continue and the TRUTH of Him sinks in,

The trustworthiness of this path beneath my feet, the glimpses of insight into my own ineptness, the scars I touch when He reaches out His strong hand, the feeling of being pulled by grace and carried by a Love I never knew before.

I fall, I skip, I re-think, I rest, I persist, I cry, I seek, I wonder.

One day I will round a bend and realize in amazement…that He has become my LIFE...

The goal no longer being peace, blessing, or even heaven…but more of Him. Every breath in my lungs being breathed not only through Him or by Him, but for Him. The attractive Love in His eyes now shining out of mine as well.  

Waking Up

Sleepy eyes. Time to get up. Unmotivated.

I don´t want to think about the school and work assignments that await me.

The horizon is just beginning to turn light. My window frames a piece of the changing sky. In my drowsiness a wave of nostalgia hits me—I guess if I´m honest I actually must say a wave of sadness.

I miss Him. The clouds have still not rolled back as a scroll. His glory has not yet broken through the atmosphere, making everything right again. Another morning without seeing His face. It´s almost too much to bear at 5:50 a.m.    

I imagine the framed piece of the sky being a door to heaven. Maybe if I stare at it long enough. Maybe if I relentlessly look up it will swing open and I will see the joyous and tearful face of my God rushing to let me feel His arms for the first time.

But I am still on this side of the door…and He on the other. Could it be He is more anxious than I, with His scarred hand expectantly hovering near the door handle? Heart beating fast? Longing to end His millennia of loneliness…waiting to fling aside the separation and take away earth´s pain forever.

 

A lonely yet lovely tune reaches my ears. I´m not imagining it. The bird sings on and I know it is God´s chosen musician. Dawning realization is that, despite everything, this morning has been anointed by Love—my feeble love for Him and His aching Love for me.  All becomes bearable…because I have heard the Love song.    

Because Of The Gold.

To see God digging in the dirt is shocking at first. He digs deep into the hardness. Shoulder and back muscles stiffen with repeated effort. The dirt caves in. He starts over. His hands blister. An occasional tear traces down His dust-covered face. Never resting He does not lose the determined urgency in His eyes. When He makes notable progress, a smile breaks like the dawn. 

He evidently knows something that we don´t. What is it that He seeks?

He seeks what was lost—Divine glory that once rested upon creation. We see the crust of filthiness and dross covering us…God tenaciously sees the gold. Though lost to our view, He believes it is still below the surface.  It is valuable to Him. He is willing to risk all for it.

God drew up a plan of salvation based on the belief that His Son´s cruel death would not be in vain. God trusted that at least one sin-tainted heart would submit to the power of love and grace and be made perfect. God trusted that the pure gold in us could be found and restored. He believed we could be renewed. The Divine belief in us is beyond our understanding. But it makes sense to Him. He never considers that His ongoing sacrifice is for naught…because of the gold, because of the treasure, because of the pearl of great price that He loves, because of you.

He knows our capacity for failure. He also knows our capacity to shine and excel. He will trust us until we begin to identify more with the gold that is visible to Him, than with the dross that keeps us weak and unconfident. His trust (and the pain we feel when we break that trust) will remind us that we are called to perfection…it will also remind us that He who called is faithful to perform. If He does not stalwartly believe in us, He cannot transform us. Thus, His heart will submit to being battered, for there is no other way for us to truly grow and for the gold to start emerging.

It's not a game of "make-believe" or "pretend" for Him. God actually sees the gold in us. He put it there. He glimpses it and says, “Let us trust this soul as if it were entirely worthy of our trust. Let us confidently believe in what this dross-covered mess was created to be. Let us trust in order to make what is weak, strong…what is dirty, into gold. And presently our trust will make this soul absolutely trustworthy.”   

When I see God digging in the dirt, I have to believe too. I have to accept His absolute belief. There WILL be hearts that allow God´s love to pull them from the mire and purify them as gold.  

          

My Second Date

My second date* with God turned out greater than I ever could have imagined.

 

The sun was close to setting and I was feeling restless. After a day-long conference in Oakland, I was driving back up north in need of a quality moment with God. My heart beat faster as I anticipated a fresh encounter with the Lover of my soul. I hesitated in my eagerness…in the passenger seat was my 18-year-old cousin who was alternately chatting with me and staring out the window in quiet. He was oblivious to my inner restlessness. Would he think I was totally crazy if I stopped midway home and said I needed to have a date with God?

With daylight slipping fast, I exited off Hwy. 101 and expectantly proceeded down the streets of an unfamiliar town looking for somewhere to spend a moment with God. I briefly explained to my cousin what I was doing and he didn’t seem too shocked, at least not outwardly. Coming around a curve, I recognized the right place. Next to a grape vineyard. Sunset colors in the sky. An enormous persimmon tree loaded with orange fruit shining against the deep green foliage (like a tree in the Garden of Eden, I commented). I parked and gave my cousin the option to join me or not. There, sitting on the hood of my Mazda, I talked to God. An informal, open-hearted prayer. Then I was quiet, and refreshed. My cousin witnessed in silence.

We drove off. That was my second date.

Unbeknownst to me, something had been stirring in my cousin’s heart. My date with God, and my comments about what God had been doing in my life, caught his attention.

A few days later, sitting next to him on the couch, I listened in holy awe and astonishment as a prayer fell from my cousin’s lips that caused joyous outbursts in the heavenly courts. He wanted to give a true relationship with God a chance. He wanted to taste what he’d only heard about. He wanted to know what real love was.

Thus, my cousin became my brother, and my prayer partner, and my inspiration, and my companion in a conversation about God and His Love that continued for the two weeks we were together. We both sensed the miraculous in what God was doing inside of us. We knew this was just the beginning of something momentous! 

 

And that’s why I insist, my second date with God turned out greater than I ever could have imagined.         

Postscript: It’s nearing five months since this all began to transpire. In the middle of writing this, my cousin called. We both agree that this journey is not an easy one, but we will keep reminding each other of God’s call to sincere striving and true love. We hold on to the promise that God will complete the work He has begun in us!   

* Dates with God began last year in October, following a personal conviction that I was in need of a deep love experience with God. These “dates” had to be spontaneous, in some unique location, and empty of any expectation except reveling in divine love and having a heart-to-heart conversation with God.

His Hand

“Come, let me show you something.”

He took us by the hand and pulled us to our feet. That was the day I discovered I was ready to become something different. For the first time I realized I had been sitting down when I had been created to walk in love and twirl in joy and run in the sand with my hand in His.

Something changed when His hand reached for mine, when His warm fingers covered my cold ones. Everything changed. Everything seemed suddenly touched with possibility. The clasp was strength to me; the tenderness of it was inspiration.

Time passes and I can´t imagine my life without that hand. I trust the heart that compels me to follow His footsteps across rivers and through even desert waste places. I toss and turn in the dark sometimes and can´t see His hand…I let go. But His hand finds me and His grasp tells me that He doesn´t ever want to be separated again.

I love skipping at His side. When I´m weary, He carries me. Running through green pastures, He slows His pace and lets me catch my breath. He´ll stop and point at a tree or mountaintop that might be fun to climb. We head off hand in hand.

I have to wonder at times, “Would I still be sitting in that same place if He hadn´t come that day to show me what it´s like to live life holding His hand?”

"I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee." Isaiah 42:6

What the Greatest Commandment Doesn't Say

Seven words with a type of magnetic quality. I keep being pulled back to them. The words click into my consciousness at least once a day and my brain cells fire anew trying to decipher why the phrase is so important, so unrelenting, so difficult to process and store neatly on the shelf. Why is this line of syllables distinct from the thousands of other lines of information traveling through my mind?

“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God…”  

Love Him. It doesn´t say…love the idea of Him. It doesn´t say…love what He does for you. It doesn´t say…love the blessings He bestows. It doesn´t say…love how He makes you feel. It doesn´t say…love the values that He taught.

It says LOVE HIM.

Love Him. It doesn´t say…acknowledge Him. It doesn´t say…think about Him every morning and sing about Him at church. It doesn´t say…obey Him. It doesn´t say…worship Him. It doesn´t even say…believe in Him with every fiber in your being. 

It says LOVE HIM.

The follow-up phrase drives the thought deeper. It describes a ridiculous level of loving. It articulates what true love requires. It depicts the passion-infused, life-consuming way in which He desires to be loved. Each mention of “ALL” seems to pierce our spiritual complacency…

"...with ALL your heart, ALL your soul, and ALL your mind."

My attention drifts, and then is drawn back. These words trouble me, but for some reason I can´t leave them alone. I realize that this verse intrigues and taunts me because it presents an impossibility. It shouts radicalness and depth of devotion that I am not only uncomfortable with, but completely incapable of.

Why in the world would He ask of us something that we are powerless to give?

Perhaps simply so that we would discover our need for the only One who makes impossible things possible. Love is the Truth, the Life, and the Only Way. This is what the greatest commandment DOES say!

The Loudest

I linger in my car for a moment before heading into the courthouse. The sun is bright, but the wind is biting cold. It´s a typical winter work day in Humboldt until…

My cellphone vibrates on the seat next to me. A text message. It reads:

I just wanted to make you aware that I really appreciate you!! Te amo muito, beijinhos :-) 

I smile at the sweetness of the message from Eurides (my brother´s new bride of a little over 3 months).  I open my car door and realize that I almost feel like crying, happy tears. It´s so warming to know that you are loved. I spend the day wishing that everyone in the world could receive a text message like that one.

It meant more to me than to most, evidently. I´m a word person. I like words. I cherish sincere things that people have taken the time to articulate.

Interestingly, though, I´ve begun to appreciate a new kind of expression—the absence of words, or, to put it simply, silence. One day as I lay on my back in the grass, I envisioned the cross. The cross with a heaving man nailed to its frame. The whole saga, His entire earthly sojourn, was in reality an endless line of desperate “I love you(s)” springing forth from a heart in love. And the cross was the epitome. The cross was the loudest “I LOVE YOU” ever not spoken.   

He didn´t utter those three words from that cross. He didn´t have to. Each trickle of blood was an expression of love. Each bruise was His passionate desire for you. Each painful breath was a piece of joy that He dreamt of giving to His beloved. His outstretched arms were His longing to hold you. His distraught eyes quietly begged the question “Is there anything else I can do to show you that I love you more than life?”  

Christ´s “I LOVE YOU” from the cross was breath-taking not because it was spoken or written, but because it knew no bounds…it was lived, it was shown, it was embodied, and it was willing to die.

His love was beyond words—a Word made flesh. A passion deeper than anything I´ve ever read or heard—a timeless emotion. I don´t mind wordless moments on my knees anymore. I´m beginning to learn the beauty of immersing oneself in God´s silences. God communicates volumes in the absence of speech. His silences brim over with unspeakable love.

The lyrics keep coming to mind, “It´s amazing the way you speak right to my heart. Without saying a word you can light up the dark.” The wordless “I love you” that reaches to me across centuries speaks loudly to my heart. I almost feel like crying. My Savior rushes to my side and His face lights up the dark inside of me. It is so warming to know that you are loved. I spend the day wishing that everyone in the world would receive the message radiating from His cross.  

"...the earth is full of His Unfailing Love." Psalm 33:5

What If I Gave All?

The Son looking into His Father´s concerned eyes asks, “What if I gave all?”

“Yes,” the Father replies with a catch in His tone, “A gift like that would change the world.”

I don´t quite know why a song at a benefit concert melts me deep within. No one else seems heavily affected by it. But the idea latches onto my heart because it sounds so familiar. It´s a thought that's periodically shaken me during the past two months. It´s a question that sends shivers of joy and possibility through the courts of heaven—what if someone gave all?

A true heart encounter with God´s love invades us with a devotion that dares to ask, “What if I gave all? What if this incredible love of God drives me to offer up all? What if my Jesus expects me to expend my life´s blood as He did—giving all?” These questions bring us to the brink of truly loving because LOVE in its pure essence is WILLINGLY GIVING ALL FOR ANOTHER´S BENEFIT.  

A conviction has begun to beat in my soul, the conviction that God´s people must experience God´s love at a real and astounding level before they can be empowered to do the “greater things” that Jesus promised. A human soul inundated with divine love is only possible when everything else is given away, when nothing is held back from the Creator.  

I want to follow the way of love, the way of sacrifice. I want to place all my earthly treasures on the altar and gain the One True Eternal Treasure—God.  I see this as the only way to not be pretend. I can´t stand my empty and superficial ways of loving and giving. But I don´t know what it means...to give all.  

What does “giving all” mean when I get up off my knees? What does “giving all” mean as I step out my front door and head to work? What does “giving all” mean while I exchange words with friends and strangers? What does “giving all” mean when I make important life decisions? 

I search Jesus´ life for glimpses of what “giving all” meant to Him on the smallest scale of daily life. I am assured that the answers will come as I keep my eyes fixed on the face of Love. The question cannot stay in the back of my mind. I cannot let it slip away. I need this possibility to taunt me and tantalize me constantly. Someone, somewhere, must persist long enough to discover what it means to give ALL and it will be a priceless, pristine, and packed reflection of Divine Love. It WILL change the world.  

“…walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath GIVEN HIMSELF for us…” Ephesians 5:2

Ocean's Call

What´s the greatest gift you´ve ever received? The biggest? The costliest? The most memorable? What about the most incomprehensible?
 

What if someone gave you an Ocean?  A private Ocean just for you. What would you do with it? Perhaps you would excitedly stroll along the beach, run barefoot in the sand, play happily in the surf, and be in awe over its vast expanse. “Really?” you ask as you gaze to where the ocean meets the horizon and merges into the sky, “This is all mine? This extravagant, limitless amount of water is all for me?” You inhale the sea breeze deeply and can´t exactly wrap your mind around what´s yours. 

What would you do with it? If you´re a curious type perhaps you´ll take a boat and sail away, determined to explore the immensity before you. But imagine there´s a problem…you refuse to dive in. You avoid getting too wet. You fear being submerged. You are anxious about sinking too deep. The unknown, the incomprehensible, seems a bit risky. So you stick to the shore, you contentedly sail on the surface.

God´s love for you IS your private ocean, but you´ve never encountered it deeply. You have never lost yourself in His infinite love, because you´ve never jumped in unafraid.  

While God is wanting the undertow to sweep us off our feet and pull us into the ocean´s depths, while God is longing to capsize our boat and soak us completely in the salty waters…we have spent our lives playing in the waves and floating untouched on its surface. God´s love is an Ocean and it has belonged to us from ages past and into eternity. We´ve known about and touched it. Maybe we´ve even tasted it and preached about it, but in all honesty we don´t know what to do with it. We don´t know how to let it invade us and captivate our souls. We don´t know how to let it overtake us, sink us, and completely transform us.

“Behold, what manner of LOVE the Father hath bestowed upon us…” It is a fathomless, pristine, and perfectly true LOVE that “casts out fear.” (I John 3:1, 4:18)

 

Trust Matters

A look of expectancy in their eyes always sparks a throb of compassion within me.  Even on hardened, tattooed faces I read the unspoken plea in their expression—“Please. Please trust me. Trust me one more time.”

Laws have been disregarded. People have been hurt. Accusations of broken trust, some valid and others unfounded, fill the hallways. It´s another day in court. The orange-clad inmate stands awaiting the judge´s decision…release on his own recognizance (a defendant´s promise to return to court) or continued detention. And it all comes down to trust. Does the judge trust him enough to release him back into society? Does his behavior warrant a second chance? Can he be trusted to keep his promise, trusted with freedom?

The reality of the legal system contrasts with my friend´s words, “Yeah, don´t. Don´t trust me. I´ll disappoint you again. I don´t want you to trust me ´cause at some point I´ll fail and hurt you.”

I was momentarily quiet and then swallowed before replying, “Well, I´ll trust you anyways because I love you and I know you´re trying.”

Love changes the whole picture. Unlike the judge who objectively considers the legal case of a stranger, I saw that God´s personal love for me does not deliberate over His decision. He recklessly forgives and then amazingly trusts me again…all because He unceasingly loves. His forgiveness sets me free from my past; His trust in my potential calls me to new life.

Like my friend, I fear being trusted. I mentally want to run not from God´s love but from the weight of trust—the trust that a love relationship with God implies. I know I cannot fulfill the expectations of a perfect God. I would break His trust, bruise His heart, and fall short.    

It was when I imagined the inmate´s handcuffs being unlocked that I realized the power of trust. If I didn´t let God trust me, I would stay shackled to this earth, stuck in my inability to obey. God´s trust in us makes victory possible. His bold trust in me means my freedom.  He knows. He knows that trusting me sets me free to disappoint Him. But He knows that it also enables me to bring abounding satisfaction to His existence. His confidence in my “ability” brings me to my knees seeking continual help and strength.  

You see, being trusted by someone who loves you sets you free to disappoint, but it also sets you free to succeed. Free to fall, but also free to attain new heights in the power of Jesus Christ. Trust places intimidating expectations upon us, but they are expectations that call us to be more than we ever imagined.

So, when God tells you “I trust you,” it means He loves you and is setting you free.