Courtship is Not the Answer

The concept of courtship (viewed as an alternative to dating) is at times controversial. Greatly acclaimed by some, it is likewise highly scorned by others. There is nothing sacred about the word “courtship” as compared to the word “dating.” Courtship is not a magic wand that can suddenly transform a romantic relationship into a holy pursuit. It is not a miracle cure for the world´s relationship ills.  As a term, a concept or a set of principles, courtship is not the answer. I am more convinced every day that there is only One Answer in this world, and His name is Jesus. So why do I choose to use the word courtship at all?

Let me clarify something really important. I learned from personal mistakes that courtship is not about saying “no” when asked out on dates, it is not about potential suitors talking to your parents, it is not about going out on group dates instead of dates alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend, it is not about not having sex or not kissing your partner prematurely, and it is most definitely not about trying to be different from the world by sheer will-power. 

Courtship is deeper than outward behavior. Courtship is a matter of the heart and the heart of the matter is Submission.

Submission may not sound very inviting, but it is the most peaceful place in the whole world—a place where deep joy and freedom abound. When I use the word courtship, it encompasses principles that apply long before I meet “the one” and which continue to be relevant after marriage and into eternity. Courtship is:

1. Submitting my emotions/feelings to the truth of God.

2. Submitting my future to the wisdom and Love of God.

While our emotions are an incredible gift from God, they are not to be our guide, especially when we´re talking about life´s most important decisions. Surrendering our fantasies, attraction and romantic feelings to God (yes, even when the other person is a wonderful, godly potential partner) takes away the emotional clutter and distraction from our hearts and minds so that God can make the first move, so that God can give us clear indicators when it´s the right person and the right time.

We often are in danger of elevating ourselves above God and thinking we know more about how to bring about a beautiful future for us than He does. A true follower has cast his life into the hands of the master. Don´t you agree that the most beautiful love stories will result from casting our lives into the hands of Love itself? When we learn day by day to fully trust Him and be satisfied with Him, our hearts can be set free from concern about who or where our future spouse is.

In God´s great wisdom, He has prepared parents or godly mentors who help us take our submission experience deeper yet. Sadly, many young people outwardly go to friends, family or pastors for counsel but are inwardly not willing to submit to that counsel due to their emotions that are already invested in a certain guy/girl. In turn, many parents, pastors and mentors are unprepared to give good counsel that would draw forth a greater experience in submission. However, if you know that your parents or mentors have a true connection with the God of heaven, there should be no fear but rather great peace and rest in knowing that they are on your side, they will fight for your future happiness and will guard you from unwise decisions.   

The principles of courtship draw my eyes away from self-trust and call me towards the sweet Lover of my soul. 

Courtship should never be put on a pedestal. Courtship, in and of itself, is not the answer, but it points me to the Answer. The principles of courtship remind me Who should be at the center of my thoughts, heart and life. You may call it by a different name, but for me courtship comes down to an attitude of the heart, an attitude of dependence and submission that I believe greatly pleases the Creator.  

Family Man

 “He was love, but he was alone, and love alone is lonely.”

Once upon a time we were created. We came to be not because God needed more created beings in order for His universe to subsist, but because the highest happiness that a God of Love could envision was the happiness of being a Father.

God intentionally made us in His image, which meant we were also capable of creating our own family units and loving our offspring to amazing degrees. In His Love, God made us capable of experiencing this utmost happiness with Him.

  

When Jesus came to earth He did not simply show us God, the Supreme Creator and King. Jesus came to show us OUR FATHER. Jesus came to show us that God is a family man and that we are His kids.

In essence, I exist because God wanted a family! Long ago God intuitively captured that His own highest calling was Fatherhood—the raising of children in the light of His own Love! With all His intellectual ability, limitless physical capacity, and creativity, the supreme satisfaction for His soul was found in having a family to nurture and Love.

He would do anything to see His family whole and harmonious again! Restoration is perhaps within reach…perhaps beginning with me recognizing how important the symbolism of marriage and family is to our very identity. Perhaps my perspective can begin restoring God's shattered vision, one family at a time.

(I recommend listening to the song Family Man by Andrew Peterson after contemplating the foregoing thoughts).  

Happens to be

Last Tuesday was the birthday of an important man—the one whose hands were the first to hold me. He is one of the best men I know. In the midst of many faces, there is one face that I recognize as my father and he is kind.

We have no choice when it comes to what family we are born into. I didn´t choose a good father. He was simply there. Much like humanity did not choose to be created by a being who cared.

Our Creator—our God—might have been impersonal. He could have been cruel. He could have been taciturn, or unreasonable, or selfish.

Instead, the One being who has no beginning and no end, the One who will have the last word, the One who chose to create us (and in whom we are chosen), happens to be good.

Of all the “gods” conjured up by human minds, the true God—MY God—dares to define Himself with one word—Love.                                                                      

I didn´t choose a God of Love. He chose me…and He changes not. 

Ocean, Laughter, and Jesus

His name is Ocean. He is my nephew. His birthday is the day before mine. He just turned 6. He prefers living in the country because he likes “open spaces” (direct quote). We both like green.  Fruit popsicles are our favorite.

Two days ago we spent the afternoon together for our annual June birthday outing. After a bike ride and eating lunch, we ended up at the beach. True to form there quickly appeared the uncontrolled smile and giggly glee that overtake Ocean whenever he´s near water. It´s of no use rolling up his pants…he´ll get wet regardless. His excitement was contagious. We ran along the shore making sand fortresses for the next wave to wash away. We laughed while our fortresses dissolved. We laughed when Ocean fell into the cold surf. We laughed when the water made our feet numb. We laughed while I attempted one-handed cartwheels.

I would like to think, that although there is no record of Jesus ever having laughed, that He was laughing and dashing with us on the Humboldt County sands. 

I would like to think that when Jesus said “of such is the kingdom of heaven,” He spoke of a group of little ones that included a six year-old, water-loving boy with a carefree, infectious laugh. 

I would like to think that as Jesus hung on the cross that part of the joy that gave Him strength to endure was a picture of Ocean and I jumping with glee on the beach. 

He died to give us that moment of pure joy…He died to give us an eternity of such moments. He longs for the day when He can laugh like a kid and run with His excited, rambunctious children along the shores of a river clear as crystal.   

  

Before We Meet

Dear Beating Heart, Tiny Boy, Baby Nephew…

You´re on my mind.

Of course you´re on my mind. It´s past your due date and you´re on everybody´s mind (most especially your waiting mom´s)! :D

But you´re in my thoughts more than superficially, baby number four. I´ve had the excitement of awaiting a nephew before, but this is the first time I´ve ever waited for you—waited to see your eyes, hear your voice, cradle your head, and officially introduce myself as your Tía Ana. I have loved your brother and sisters, but this joy is different for you are entirely your own person. I will love you in completely unique ways because you are unique. To love you before I´ve ever seen you is a priceless privilege.

You have a great future, unborn one! Your first touch will be from your Grandpa Ruben. You will make your Papa´s blue eyes shine when he gets to hold you. You will grow up with a Mom who has one of the most beautiful faces in the world and, more significantly, a beautiful heart. You will see green trees surrounding you and you will breathe mountain air. There will be three rambunctious people who will jump on your bed and want to hug you and feed you and, soon enough, tease you. You will be bright. You will be blessed.

Lovely as she waits

You are going to make a mark on earth´s history that no one else can make. I know you are destined for greatness and I will look on in amazement at your abilities. A lifetime will not be enough to appreciate your uniqueness, so please promise me that you will believe in and learn to Love the God of eternity! He put breath in you for not just an earth-bound future, but for a heavenly one as well—a future filled with the most satisfying Love you can imagine!

Oh little life, I love you and my excitement grows with each second. But that is nothing compared to the brimming anticipation of the One who Loves you most…He saw your face long ago and you captured His heart.

You´re on His mind.

Love, Tía Ana

Annoyed by...

 I was annoyed.

(Lately it seems whenever I confess to someone that I was annoyed, they do a double-take and with shock in their tone say, “You get annoyed?”  To set the records of my reputation straight—Yes, Ariana gets annoyed by others like all normal human beings. Similarly, I am at times annoyed without being able to explain the reason why.) 

Last week was strange. My cousin was visiting for several days and I normally would have enjoyed every second of his company. Not only is he a cousin who I care for (as I cherish all my cousins), but he is a cousin with whom I have shared poignant spiritual conversations and experiences.

  

However, this time a vague annoyance would steal over me whenever he entered the room. He knew I was determined to finish some work projects and so he would mostly come into my room just to lie on the mattress and read a book. But just knowing he was in the room annoyed me. I couldn´t explain my annoyance except to say that I felt he was somehow silently expecting something of me.  If he happened to come up to my computer desk and ventured to ask “Whatcha doing?”  (a question that to me had all too obvious of an answer), I would have to take a deep breath in order to give a minimally polite response. This was not a passing case of annoyance. It was full-blown.I hid my annoyance fairly well and hoped it would pass. I was too busy to think or pray about it for too long. 

One afternoon we decided to stop and talk to God at a favorite bridge of mine on the way home. The day was brilliant and filled with wind. As we shared our spiritual contemplations with each other and with God, I felt all trace of annoyance with my cousin disappear.

Getting in the car and driving away, it hit me. I knew why I had been so annoyed.  My cousin´s expectations were impossible to avoid.  He expected me to have new spiritual insight. He expected continuation of conversations about God´s Love. He expected the spontaneous prayer times we both reveled in. He expected the excitement in my voice. He expected the intense seeking after God in my daily living. Without saying anything out loud, he was looking for all these things in me and I reacted negatively to the pressure of these expectations.

My cousin was not the only expectant one. Nor was he the only one I was inwardly annoyed at. God was likewise expectant. Truthfully, I was annoyed by God—by His expectations. How could He expect above-average performance from an average girl? How could He expect a totally transformed life? How could He expect my hand to cling tenaciously to His? How could He expect more sacrifice? How could He expect ceaseless passion from a girl who gets tired and has work deadlines?

But then again, how could He not? He has said I am His and He is mine…thus making ALL things attainable and ALL things a joy through His Love. (Lesson learned). 

Quiet Love

It creeps up so silently…catching me off guard every time.

I am overtaken.

I stop surrendered in mid-stride.

I turn around slowly to confront my conqueror.

I find only the sun as it ascends over the treetops, or a tiny flower posing near my feet, or my niece smiling up at me, or the twinkling of the first star, or the tune of my sister´s whistle, or the wind touching my brow, or the echo of a Psalm written centuries ago.

It is then I remember that the truest Love is the quietest kind that does not demand attention or require noisy evidences. It is, in fact, easily passed by…often ignored and misunderstood.

It surrounds us. Yet we walk on without a nod towards the invisible.

For some reason (pure grace most likely), I am occasionally awoken by a subtle tap on my heart. The Love of my God steals over me; I cannot resist it. I fall captive to His quiet Love. 

This heart is home

Three porch steps before bursting into the house with a whirl of spring night air. I untie my green shoelaces and toss my shoes by the door. In a matter of seconds my coat is hanging in its usual place and my hands are catching warmth from the woodstove.

Being outdoors is amazing, but what is inside these particular walls is home.

 
I hear the voices of my dad and sister talking upstairs. I have no idea what they´re saying…but I know it is a pleasant exchange of words.

I head up to the room I call mine. My fingers automatically find the oddly-located light switch behind the door. The book is where I left it. Papers and miscellaneous objects still cover my desk haphazardly. I lie down on the carpet and begin to read.

I realize that one reason I am happy in this house is because no one questions my presence here. No one has ever told me I didn´t belong here. When I leave, no one has required me to go elsewhere. When I return, no one says that my place has been filled by someone else.

The peace of knowing this structure exists (…that I can come back to it, dwell in it, sleep in it, play the piano in it, be quiet in it, feel safe in it, and play Battleship with my nephew in it) is striking.

I wonder if Jesus could ever find such a peaceful and assured dwelling place in my heart. Can Jesus confidently stride into my heart without knocking, kick off His shoes, and be warmed by my love? Or does He still feel just like a guest? Could Jesus ever softly say, “The splendor of my Universe is amazing, but what is inside this particular heart is home. I am safe in this heart. I am happy in this heart…because no one questions my Presence here.”

“But will God in very deed dwell with men on the earth? Behold, heaven and the heaven of heavens cannot contain thee; how much less this house which I have built!” II Chronicles 6:18

My Second Date

My second date* with God turned out greater than I ever could have imagined.

 

The sun was close to setting and I was feeling restless. After a day-long conference in Oakland, I was driving back up north in need of a quality moment with God. My heart beat faster as I anticipated a fresh encounter with the Lover of my soul. I hesitated in my eagerness…in the passenger seat was my 18-year-old cousin who was alternately chatting with me and staring out the window in quiet. He was oblivious to my inner restlessness. Would he think I was totally crazy if I stopped midway home and said I needed to have a date with God?

With daylight slipping fast, I exited off Hwy. 101 and expectantly proceeded down the streets of an unfamiliar town looking for somewhere to spend a moment with God. I briefly explained to my cousin what I was doing and he didn’t seem too shocked, at least not outwardly. Coming around a curve, I recognized the right place. Next to a grape vineyard. Sunset colors in the sky. An enormous persimmon tree loaded with orange fruit shining against the deep green foliage (like a tree in the Garden of Eden, I commented). I parked and gave my cousin the option to join me or not. There, sitting on the hood of my Mazda, I talked to God. An informal, open-hearted prayer. Then I was quiet, and refreshed. My cousin witnessed in silence.

We drove off. That was my second date.

Unbeknownst to me, something had been stirring in my cousin’s heart. My date with God, and my comments about what God had been doing in my life, caught his attention.

A few days later, sitting next to him on the couch, I listened in holy awe and astonishment as a prayer fell from my cousin’s lips that caused joyous outbursts in the heavenly courts. He wanted to give a true relationship with God a chance. He wanted to taste what he’d only heard about. He wanted to know what real love was.

Thus, my cousin became my brother, and my prayer partner, and my inspiration, and my companion in a conversation about God and His Love that continued for the two weeks we were together. We both sensed the miraculous in what God was doing inside of us. We knew this was just the beginning of something momentous! 

 

And that’s why I insist, my second date with God turned out greater than I ever could have imagined.         

Postscript: It’s nearing five months since this all began to transpire. In the middle of writing this, my cousin called. We both agree that this journey is not an easy one, but we will keep reminding each other of God’s call to sincere striving and true love. We hold on to the promise that God will complete the work He has begun in us!   

* Dates with God began last year in October, following a personal conviction that I was in need of a deep love experience with God. These “dates” had to be spontaneous, in some unique location, and empty of any expectation except reveling in divine love and having a heart-to-heart conversation with God.

The Loudest

I linger in my car for a moment before heading into the courthouse. The sun is bright, but the wind is biting cold. It´s a typical winter work day in Humboldt until…

My cellphone vibrates on the seat next to me. A text message. It reads:

I just wanted to make you aware that I really appreciate you!! Te amo muito, beijinhos :-) 

I smile at the sweetness of the message from Eurides (my brother´s new bride of a little over 3 months).  I open my car door and realize that I almost feel like crying, happy tears. It´s so warming to know that you are loved. I spend the day wishing that everyone in the world could receive a text message like that one.

It meant more to me than to most, evidently. I´m a word person. I like words. I cherish sincere things that people have taken the time to articulate.

Interestingly, though, I´ve begun to appreciate a new kind of expression—the absence of words, or, to put it simply, silence. One day as I lay on my back in the grass, I envisioned the cross. The cross with a heaving man nailed to its frame. The whole saga, His entire earthly sojourn, was in reality an endless line of desperate “I love you(s)” springing forth from a heart in love. And the cross was the epitome. The cross was the loudest “I LOVE YOU” ever not spoken.   

He didn´t utter those three words from that cross. He didn´t have to. Each trickle of blood was an expression of love. Each bruise was His passionate desire for you. Each painful breath was a piece of joy that He dreamt of giving to His beloved. His outstretched arms were His longing to hold you. His distraught eyes quietly begged the question “Is there anything else I can do to show you that I love you more than life?”  

Christ´s “I LOVE YOU” from the cross was breath-taking not because it was spoken or written, but because it knew no bounds…it was lived, it was shown, it was embodied, and it was willing to die.

His love was beyond words—a Word made flesh. A passion deeper than anything I´ve ever read or heard—a timeless emotion. I don´t mind wordless moments on my knees anymore. I´m beginning to learn the beauty of immersing oneself in God´s silences. God communicates volumes in the absence of speech. His silences brim over with unspeakable love.

The lyrics keep coming to mind, “It´s amazing the way you speak right to my heart. Without saying a word you can light up the dark.” The wordless “I love you” that reaches to me across centuries speaks loudly to my heart. I almost feel like crying. My Savior rushes to my side and His face lights up the dark inside of me. It is so warming to know that you are loved. I spend the day wishing that everyone in the world would receive the message radiating from His cross.  

"...the earth is full of His Unfailing Love." Psalm 33:5

A Poem You Are

A girl with bright eyes turns four today. Here are a few words to celebrate the niece whose life, personality, twirls, and laughs are like lines of poetry.  

It was before you were born.

I dreamt of you.

You were a poem,

A line of meaning.

I awoke with a smile of joy.  

But I soon forgot why.

I tried remembering,

How the words I had dreamt

Flowed together like running water,

And sang harmony with the rocks.

I searched the horizon,

For the lost blur of syllables

That had whispered such sweetness.

I looked into your eyes one day.

And then had to look again.

I glimpsed a word that rhymed

With the sky, and yet another

That defined the waves at my feet.

I saw meaning floating

In the depths of your smile.

You are the poem.

You are the dream.

You have found my arms.

And I awake with smiles once more.  

Calling Home

Right below HARPER MOTORS, just above HUGO. :) 

I see the name I´m looking for and hit the call button on my cell—HOME.

I can barely remember the last time I looked forward to a phone call with this kind of anticipation and need. I´ve been away from my house often enough in the last month (family reunion in Utah and my brother´s wedding in So. Cal.), but not away from the dear ones who are my HOME.

My heart beats slightly faster as the phone rings. Uncertain times have made my soul thirsty for hearing my mom or my sister´s voice. They pick up and I move to a comfortable sitting position on the pebbly concrete—it´s like I´m home again.

People sing about home frequently, that idealized place where you belong or feel safe. We long for it while knowing that not everyone has a HOME that evokes positive thoughts. Not everyone has HOME listed among their cellphone contacts.

Earthly homes are fragile and often transitory. But never forget that the comfort of home can be found on your knees.  The glow of our lasting, perfect HOME is always just a prayer away.      

“…if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself…” John 14:3

“…to them I will give in My house and within My walls a place and a name better than that of sons and daughters…” Isaiah 56:5

Lifetime Romance

My friend Claudia happened to hear a couple of songs I had saved on my laptop. She turned to me and asked with slight incredulity, “So…you´re a romantic?”

I had to laugh and replied, “Isn´t everyone?”

Although it was just a quick response, I realized that I actually believe we were all meant to be romantics. While due to sin, confusion, societal misconceptions, and hurt, some eyes no longer see the beauty in a pure love story, or pretend not to, we were made to recognize and admire true, unselfish love. Mutual devotion and willing commitment between two people are a testimony to grace. God Himself invented romance and even calls His chosen people “His betrothed” and “His bride.” There is a romantic gleam in all of our hearts, small or flickering though it may be. Even as real life examples of God-inspired romance may be few and far between, our minds will continue to guard an image, an ideal of romance that goes beyond sentimentalism, fairytale endings, and red roses.

Thus, as one of countless romantics, my heart naturally feels joyous as we look forward to September 2, 2013. A huge moment in the life of my brother Nathan and my soon-to-be sister Eurides. Anticipation grows. An excitement is noted in our conversations. But a wedding cannot be considered the high point, or epitome, of lovely romance. The moment of “I do” is but the symbolically-rich prelude to a symphony for which they have been preparing even before ever meeting. The walk down the aisle represents the first steps of a romance that I pray and believe will last forever.

I love you Nath and Eurides…and if you can´t tell, I´m super excited!

Check out their story and pics…Eurides&Nathan Wedding Website

She Qualifies!

Part of being a Brinckhaus in our definition involves being there for your family and friends. Kari and I might be miles apart, but she supports my sometimes strange ideas and I cheer her on in her noble endeavors. When I feel lost, my mom´s prayers and understanding are usually the first things I turn to.  

Being Brinckhaus also includes having at least one small creative streak somewhere inside of you. Whether it be with words, with food, with a camera, with piano chords; we have a desire, almost a need, to create something of worth. Of course not everything we attempt to create turns out well, but our spirit continues to seek expression.

In our immediate family circle we share interests in healthy living, in nature, in God, in transgenerational bonds, and in character development, among other points described on our About Us page. Obviously, we also share our Germanic last name that continues to surprise people who are not expecting to see a Latino face with the last name Brinckhaus.

My point with all this? Well, I would like to proudly introduce our new guest contributor who, interestingly enough, qualifies as a Being Brinckhaus blog writer--Emilia Goodrich-Brinckhaus! She will grace us with occasional insights into cooking, motherhood, and more. The sisterly support,  family values, creativity, and last name which qualify her were clearly evident to Karina and me. Check out her first guest contribution below or by CLICKING HERE!