Falling in Like

I don´t mind that our courtship has been rather unusual (or yes, super weird in many people´s eyes)! I don´t mind because it has been more wonderful and sweet than any experience I could have ever tried to imagine. As I look back, I have to smile at some of our early journey together. Here is an excerpt from almost a year ago...February 2015...

It wasn´t something we consciously discussed. Neither of us ever formally agreed to not utter the expression “I love you” to the other. We just knew. I knew that he wasn´t planning to say it soon and he knew the same about me.

This unique and slightly comical aspect of our relationship was made more obvious to me the day Joshua looked up from his homework and said slowly, “I really like you, Ariana.” Struck as I often am by his sweetness, I unhesitatingly smiled and replied, “I truly like you too, Joshua.” A strange smile took over his face as he noted, “So I guess we´re falling in like with each other.”

As it stands, we are nearing six months of the most special courtship ever and no, we haven´t directly used the word “Love” to describe our feelings toward each other. 

Our reasoning is rather simple. In short, we are saving the phrase “I love you” much like one would save a kiss. Not because the words (or the kiss) are wrong. To the contrary, they are so especially beautiful that we want to be sure we understand their true meaning. We are not afraid of the word but we do revere it.

Sixteen months ago something happened to us. We realized that we had underestimated Love—God´s Love. We had no idea how to truly Love our God. Our discussions concerning how much we lacked a basic understanding of the Universe's greatest power—the active Love of our Creator—filled many a Facebook message. We developed a new respect for the word that God Himself uses to describe His essence. We became aware of how rashly we had declared our love for God in the past. We even took to capitalizing “Love” in all our correspondence to commemorate our conviction.

To be genuinely in Love is an experience that the Creator of the Universe must gift two hearts with. To be genuinely in Love is to be touched and filled by God Himself.  

It is possible to be precipitous and presumptuous with a word that is supposed to mean everything self-sacrificing, unending, strong and pure. And thus, Joshua and I will save our “I love you” until the time God impresses us to calmly and confidently declare His closeness to our hearts. For now, we are quite delighted to be falling in like.    

P.S. The perfect time turned out to be August 29, 2015 when Joshua couldn´t hold back the words "I Love you" any longer and proposed to me atop our special bridge!  

God´s Kind of Gift

It is uniquely fulfilling to see Ocean proudly wearing the jersey I brought him from Brazil…to see my Mom using the Nikon we got her for Mother´s Day…to see my friend reading a book I've shared with him.

I try to imagine how I can make God feel that way. How can I bring a smile of utter satisfaction to His face by how I respond to His gifts? How do I even accept a gift that I feel undeserving of?

It was four months ago and some.

I glanced at Joshua's profile in the seat next to me. My eyes blurred slightly with tears before I decidedly moved on with my next statement, “It's one of the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me.”

It was an unanticipated gift. One I had not been looking for. One that, honestly, I had not even prayed for. Yet, here it was. Here HE was—a young man who had decided to pray and consult with my family (for several months) before ever approaching me to express his particular interest. My friend Joshua—by choosing to honor seemingly old-fashioned, scriptural principles of pursuing a relationship—was extending to me the priceless opportunity of experiencing a God-guided courtship.  

I was a bit stunned then. I am incredulous yet now, by the gift of godly courtship and the gift of Joshua's admiration. I did nothing to deserve this.  How could God trust a fumbling girl with such lovely realities?

“Don´t worry,” God whispers, “Take them. They are yours. I trust you. Enjoy them.”

Words fall way too short. But with as much depth as I can muster, I will cherish the gifts God has placed in my hands. I want God to smile as He sees me delight in what He has bestowed. In the sincerest form of gratitude, I will enjoy this page of the life He has granted. 

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” James 1:17

Match Made in Heaven

It was a match too perfect for coincidence. A match that made angels breathe deeply in wonder.

I walked away from it. I followed illusions. I thought there was more to life. 

At various bends in the road I wondered why my soul felt jagged and incomplete. Why did I sometimes ache inside for something I could not pronounce? Why was I restless?

One day, on a hillside covered with dry grass, I felt my heart settle. My being sank into a place that felt like home when He said, “I Love you, Ari.”

I knew then that this match was dreamed up in heaven long ago. Surfaces of my soul that had always felt lost and vulnerable had actually been fashioned to rest against the warm surface of Love.

“Your heart matches Mine,” my Invisible Companion affirmed with a nod.

It´s why I keep coming back to this hillside. It´s why I won´t look anywhere else for answers. Here I met my God. Here my heart met its match.  

New Year's Love Letter

Precious Lord...the One who in moments is more precious than life, whose quiet conversations with me have opened my eyes to see color:

Why this year, dear God? What pieces of this world, your universal vision, were in place?

I sit on the other end of the continental United States. New Year’s Eve solemnity in the core of me. The personality of friends filling the room, laughter and also serious gaze. I find your cool breeze here, your warmth in the morning hues on the Atlantic horizon. And I know you are nearer now. Nearer than when? Nearer than when I said your name the first time. Nearer than when you poured sorrow over me and gifted me with strange tears. Nearer than when I jubilantly admitted that my heart had begun to love you. Nearer than when I last forgot you, and then remembered you and smiled.     

I look the same. The same things surround me. But I see imperfection in the mirror. The best of me has let myself down and so inside I feel different. I know that if I ever stop feeling different, I will be walking away from the one thing that matters. And so I try not to mind my differentness too much. I spend my waking hours with a new pursuit on my mind and heart. I laugh, and talk, and drive, and run beneath trees…all the while feeling like I should be searching. I was destined for this search. I was born to be on this journey, to find joy in this endless and intricate wandering.  I don´t know why I´m seeing things I never saw before, things that are beyond words and thus, easily misunderstood unless experienced.

You never forget that I am human and in need of reassuring embraces and new mercies along this way. You never forget that I am meant to fly with wings like an eagle. You trust and You see some unique beauty in my soul. I doubt and want to run away from the unknown. But I don´t run away because in the incriminating mirror I also see You in the face of Jesus Christ. Why do you reveal such beauty? Why this year, dear God? How do I deserve to know the constant presence of heaven? Why did time bring this imperfect girl to such a perfectly beautiful experience that I can only respond to with brokenness and continued failure? I intuitively know that this experience can change me, but WILL it? Will I be open enough to changing? Will I be committed enough to saying “Yes”? Will I be captivated enough to follow You anywhere? Will love triumph and be the one tie that binds my heart to yours?

I run out of words at this point. At this moment as 2014 approaches, I know I am not worthy of You. Can you accept a love letter from a heart in need? For verily You are my true Love, you are my God—the call on the wind, a line of song in the rising suns, the tear running down my cheek, the hope of infinite possibility. "Continue your love to those who know you." Psalm 36:10 

Love, your Ari

A Poem You Are

A girl with bright eyes turns four today. Here are a few words to celebrate the niece whose life, personality, twirls, and laughs are like lines of poetry.  

It was before you were born.

I dreamt of you.

You were a poem,

A line of meaning.

I awoke with a smile of joy.  

But I soon forgot why.

I tried remembering,

How the words I had dreamt

Flowed together like running water,

And sang harmony with the rocks.

I searched the horizon,

For the lost blur of syllables

That had whispered such sweetness.

I looked into your eyes one day.

And then had to look again.

I glimpsed a word that rhymed

With the sky, and yet another

That defined the waves at my feet.

I saw meaning floating

In the depths of your smile.

You are the poem.

You are the dream.

You have found my arms.

And I awake with smiles once more.  

Overwhelming Borders

When a day overwhelms its borders, you end up exhausted in your bed but unable to sleep. The eyes long to close, but your mind wants to use the remaining hours of darkness to bring closure to the fullness of emotion. It is fullness that is keeping my weary body awake. It´s past midnight and yet I am eager to continue feeling the joy, solemnity, and newness of what happened today. The truth is I don´t want to let go of the beauty of this moment; I don´t want it to end. The accumulated scenes and sounds of this day were too much for 24 hours. I may just need a lifetime to truly appreciate the events framed within one sunrise and one sunset.   

The apex of August 24, 2013, was being present at the baptism of a young person who I love as a sister. My immediate family, our close circle of young adult brothers and sisters, and our extended church family watched as my dad immersed her in cold waters. We knew that it was the power of the living God that had brought us to this river´s edge. Songs rose. Knees bent under the gray sky. She had chosen to be God´s and He had chosen her. Heaven came down and touched every cheek with ocean mist.

I felt like shouting jubilantly, smiling recklessly, and letting tears flow. All expressions seemed appropriate, but all I could manage were a couple happy words and reflective smiles. I sensed that just as our friend was symbolically walking into newness, we would likewise never be the same because of how our hearts were mutually bound together with hers in Christ. An invisible seal of eternity settled around us.

Unfeigned love and recognition of God´s sacrifice continued to thrill us—taking a stroll in the fresh air and later on participating in a sacred concert and sharing time. I shut the piano lid and stepped out of the side door of the church. I almost didn´t want to head over to the center where we were going to serve refreshments. I was too full already.  

 

Lifetime Romance

My friend Claudia happened to hear a couple of songs I had saved on my laptop. She turned to me and asked with slight incredulity, “So…you´re a romantic?”

I had to laugh and replied, “Isn´t everyone?”

Although it was just a quick response, I realized that I actually believe we were all meant to be romantics. While due to sin, confusion, societal misconceptions, and hurt, some eyes no longer see the beauty in a pure love story, or pretend not to, we were made to recognize and admire true, unselfish love. Mutual devotion and willing commitment between two people are a testimony to grace. God Himself invented romance and even calls His chosen people “His betrothed” and “His bride.” There is a romantic gleam in all of our hearts, small or flickering though it may be. Even as real life examples of God-inspired romance may be few and far between, our minds will continue to guard an image, an ideal of romance that goes beyond sentimentalism, fairytale endings, and red roses.

Thus, as one of countless romantics, my heart naturally feels joyous as we look forward to September 2, 2013. A huge moment in the life of my brother Nathan and my soon-to-be sister Eurides. Anticipation grows. An excitement is noted in our conversations. But a wedding cannot be considered the high point, or epitome, of lovely romance. The moment of “I do” is but the symbolically-rich prelude to a symphony for which they have been preparing even before ever meeting. The walk down the aisle represents the first steps of a romance that I pray and believe will last forever.

I love you Nath and Eurides…and if you can´t tell, I´m super excited!

Check out their story and pics…Eurides&Nathan Wedding Website

Yellow Cake w/ Chocolate Tofu Frosting!!

Cakes often equal celebrations: birthdays, weddings, graduations, baby showers, and the list goes on. For those who try to avoid animal products, cakes can prove a bit of a challenge. There are some bakeries now that make vegan cakes, but these can prove to be quite pricey. So what are you to do when a cake-worthy occasion looms and you don’t want to break your pocketbook?  Make one! My sister Karina, the “professional” baker of the family, has made many scrumptious, beautiful, AND VEGAN cakes, including a wedding cake! While I have much less experience in making vegan cakes than she does, I do occasionally try my hand at it. So, here is my most recent creation. It is a delicious yellow cake with chocolate frosting. You should definitely give this one a try!

Vegan Yellow Cake

1 ½ cups raw or turbinado sugar (alternative: brown sugar)
¾ cup extra virgin coconut oil (alternative: vegan margarine or natural cooking oil)
4 cups flour (white flour can be used or optional blends such as 2 cups barley flour and 2 cups unbleached white flour, or 2 cups white flour and 2 cups whole wheat pastry flour)
1 ½ Tablespoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
3 cups soymilk, rice milk, or other non-dairy milk
1 Tablespoon of vanilla

Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9 x 13-inch pan with some oil, or a non-stick cooking spray. Soften coconut oil in a small pan over low heat if it is not warm enough for the oil to be liquid at room temperature. Place oil in a bowl and cream with sugar and vanilla. In a separate bowl, mix flour, baking powder, and salt until well combined. Add flour mixture and non-dairy milk alternately to the oil/sugar mixture and mix until all is evenly incorporated. Pour mixture into prepared pan and bake for 30-35 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Let cake cool completely before frosting.

Tip: Make frosting first so it can begin to set in the refrigerator while cake is baking.

Chocolate Tofu Frosting

½ pound (8 oz.) firm silken tofu
½ cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 ½ cups vegan chocolate chips

Melt chocolate chips in a double boiler or microwave. Place tofu in food processor and whip until smooth, scraping down sides several times. Add sugar and vanilla and process. Pour melted chocolate chips into tofu mixture and blend completely.

Variation: If you don´t own a food processor, I just used my handheld electric beater to first beat tofu until fairly smooth, and then added the sugar and vanilla (mix powdered sugar into tofu a bit before turning on the beater so sugar doesn´t fly everywhere), and finally add the melted chocolate chips. It worked well for me.

Refrigerate frosting for at least 4 hours or overnight to allow it to set before spreading on cooled cake.

As a side note, I try to make treats for my family that are not only tasty, but also at least somewhat nutritious. So although this cake does have sugar and a sweet chocolate frosting, I incorporated another whole grain (barley) besides wheat, as well as coconut oil, which has some very healthful properties. If you are concerned about the powdered white sugar not being vegan, (some vegans don’t use white sugar since it is sometimes processed with bone char for whitening) I believe that organic white sugar, including organic powdered sugar, is fine. From what I understand, standards of purity for organic foods do not permit processing with bone char, so organic white sugar is bone char free.