Lost & Found

Eden, I´ve traveled far.

Eden, you are only a memory.

Love, centuries have tainted you.

Love, you once were pure and active.

God, our eyes used to behold you.

God, your selfless flame in us is quenched.

Heart of mine, how you long to be filled.

Heart of mine, where did your innocence go?

Eden, I´ve glimpsed you.

Eden, your nearness surprises.

Love, time has not erased your smile.

Love, your original meaning may be sought.

God, how extreme your sacrifice.

God, your warm passion melting icy hearts.

Heart of mine, swept into a new place.                       Heart of mine, you´ve beat for a true moment in Paradise. 

Invited

It was a simple invitation.

My friends were going on a rock climbing adventure, the text message read. I was invited.

I should not have been surprised, but I was.

For some reason I felt oddly humbled to be included. I felt somehow undeserving of the invitation… Maybe because I knew that girls could have been conveniently excluded from the outing. Maybe because I knew I had no experience, skill, or equipment to contribute to the group.

Though unable to adequately express my gratitude, I treasured my first rock climbing experience as a unique gift…from my friends, from my mom (who captured the moment in photos and permitted me to go), and from my heavenly Father (who gave us the natural world and a spirit of adventure).

The lovely feeling of being invited lingers with me. My mind recalls an invitation I received over 10 months ago—an invitation to the endless adventure of discovering the depths of God´s wondrous Love. As morning sunlight warms my face, I realize again—God is calling, inviting me to experience the next page of adventure with Him.

I am invited. Not because anything I´ve done merits being included on this expedition. Not because God needs someone with experience, skill or equipment (which I don´t have). He just wants the pleasure of my company! He wants to give me the abundant life!

The adventure is for you too. You are invited!   

     

Most Valuable Friend

(Aware that the following exchange could sound presumptuous to some ears, I delayed in sharing it. However, with time I realized that it is no more presumptuous to share this experience than for any of us fallen human beings to sing hymn 186 out loud. It is perhaps better to not risk missing the chance to give a glimpse or reminder of how real a friendship with God can be. It may be me, after all, in need of such a reminder.)

Excerpt – Hymn 186

I´ve found a Friend; oh, such a Friend!

He loved me ere I knew Him;

He drew me with the cords of Love,

And thus He bound me to Him.

  

I have this Friend. We met to hang out at the bridge yesterday. We talked, pondered things together, and just sat peacefully in growing knowledge of each other.

As I got up to leave He said, “Thank you for being my friend even though I´m invisible.”

Struck by His heart-felt gratitude, I replied, “Of course. Thank You for being my friend even though I´m often too deaf to hear You and too hard-hearted to believe You.”   

He spoke softly, “Let´s never stop being friends. Never stop trying to get to know Me.”

At that exact moment I knew. I realized that the beginnings of my friendship with my Savior were real! Why else would the most joyous part of my Sabbath involve seeking His invisible company on top of an old bridge?

I confess…I like Him. He makes me smile. He has the uncanny ability of lightening my heart at any hour of the day. He doesn´t mind when I´m quiet, although He also seems delighted when I have lots to say. I, in turn, have learned not to mind when He is quiet. I listen when He is brimming with pent-up emotions, whether happy or sad. He speaks only true things to me. I treasure the smallest of insights into His way of thinking. I like being here for Him. He is always there for me. Yes, I like Him very much indeed and find Him entirely Lovely!

Half-walking, half-skipping to my car, I quip, “If You don´t mind the barriers to our friendship, then I don´t either!” (My demure way of saying, “If You can put up with me then I´m sticking around because You are amazing!)

He didn´t have to reply because I knew what He was thinking…sometimes friends know things like that.   

Deep...not complicated

A glance into the mirror and I remember how simple I am. Just a fumbling girl with no special attributes and little to recommend me. And yet, I cannot make myself ignore God calling out to me from all directions.

Me: I´m just a very simple girl, Father God. Why do you desire me so intently?

God: Actually…I´m simple too.

Me: You? No. If you were simple, more people would understand you.

God: No, truly, I am not complicated. When things don´t make sense or when you feel far from me, you conclude that I must be complicated. But I am not...I am simply deep. People complicate me…the truth of me. They too often confuse my depth with complexity. I am actually very simple. 

I sink into musing, for how God has just defined Himself to me is new.

God is Love. He wants simple things...He wants me to know true Love.

His Love—not complicated, just deep.

For Sure

God is a master communicator. He takes my question and turns it upside down. I end up not knowing whether to smile or cry. I feel ridiculous and enlightened all in one glorious moment.

“Are You sure?” I questioned God, “Are You sure that you have chosen me for this?”

A new dimension of God´s purpose for my life had been tumbling about in my head for several days. As I leaned against the cement bridge after work, a sense of incredulity and inadequacy was my companion. Surely there had to be someone more equipped to fulfill this calling.  

“Are You sure that I´m the right person to ask?”

I could almost hear His quiet laugh as He confidently replied, “I´m sure. I´m absolutely sure.”

“Are YOU sure?” God threw back at me.

“Sure of what?” I asked uncertainly.

“Are YOU sure that I have chosen you? Are YOU convinced that this is my calling for you?”

Silence. The syllables of realization fell into place. God knew that what really, truly mattered was not His being sure, but my being sure. It would make no difference how absolutely confident God was in His choice if I was not willing to internalize His confidence as fact. He could be 100% certain, but if I was doubtful then moving forward was impossible.

His question lingers. Am I sure? Am I convinced that God has chosen me? Do I accept that He has not chosen me generically or arbitrarily, but with insight, precision, and deep knowledge of who I am?

God has likewise chosen you to walk in the light of a unique calling. Are YOU sure?

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you…” John 15:16

“…give diligence to make your calling and election sure…” II Peter 1:10         

Constant...Not Rote

First rays of the sun hitting the wall over my bed. Retracing their path through the window at the same angle as they did last July. Not much different than yesterday. I sit up…my eyes squinting and my heart calmly beating in my chest. The rhythm within and without continues. Not much different than yesterday. Not much different than any given dawn in the past 27 years of my existence.

Every once in a while, though, something happens. Something happens that makes you look at the rising sun in wonder, as if beholding a miraculous and mystical reality. Something happens…such as when the heart of one you love ceases to beat…and suddenly today is completely different than yesterday. The sun´s appearance is no longer a rote happening. The mechanical contractions of the heart seem not so mechanical. Life takes on preciousness.

Something new has entered my consciousness this morning. A new truth. It is this—God Loves me…today.

Like the first rays of the sun, I initially thought this truth was not much different than yesterday. God has always Loved me. Every day, every moment. He proved His Love was of the deepest possible caliber on Calvary. I´ve known this since I was a small girl. But wait…can´t you see? TODAY HE CHOSE TO LOVE ME AGAIN!!! TODAY HIS LOVE FOR ME DRIPS OF NEWNESS!!! Can you capture it? His Love is constant, but it is never rote.    

While Love of divine magnitude was made evident at the cross, it did not find conclusion there. God mindfully lives out His Love to us each day much like a devoted husband or wife will choose to make the marriage vows a vibrant reality on a daily basis. Spouses forget their promise at times. He does not forget. He anticipates the sound of my alarm clock so He can wash my soul with fresh Love…not simply because He has to keep up His end of the bargain or because He cannot deny His own essence, but because He longs for me to know that I am of unprecedented value to Him and vital to His happiness.

I hear Him quietly say, “Hey, little one, guess what? Today…yes, today I Love you!”  It´s a new truth…for both Him and me. It takes a moment for this incredible confession to sink in. When it begins to, His emotion is contagious. The sun´s appearance is no longer a rote happening. The mechanical contractions of the heart seem not so mechanical. Life takes on preciousness.

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.” Psalm 143:8

[ROTE (adj.) proceeding mechanically and repetitiously; being mechanical and repetitious in nature; routine; habitual.]

Full Circle

I was back. Nine months later. The same camp grounds where it had sparked.

Sitting on the dilapidated remnants of an old wagon, the morning coolness reached through my sweatshirt. I felt expectant about the coming week of summer camp. I wondered why God had brought me back to this specific place.

This place had seen the first unexpected tears that ran down my cheeks when I realized God had never been the true Love and passion of my days. Nine months ago I began to see. I peered into myself and glimpsed my lackluster devotion to my Savior. I saw that I had only entertained passing pieces of God´s Love for me and had never grasped them and made them mine.

Midway through the week of camp, I cried alone under the night sky. I cried because I was seeing myself once more…I was seeing myself in the eyes of each of my seven campers. Each one of them was me—a girl who beneath all my exterior fronts would simply like to know whether there is such a thing as true Love and how in the world to let that Love into my heart.

I looked towards the cots where the girls slept. My heart ached for each one to know the Love of their Father God. Nine months ago a similar ache was felt in God´s chest as He watched me sleep…longing to penetrate my blind, oblivious, independent, self-centered soul.

I was back. Full circle. Amazed. Stunned by God´s grace in my life. Hopeful that true Love would never stop seeking us.

Truly, each of those girls is no farther than I was from hearing the whisper… “So listen, little girl, somewhere there´s a King who will Love you forever. And nothing in the world could ever come between you, my love, and this Lover.”*

*Taken from lyrics by Andrew Peterson