The Loudest

I linger in my car for a moment before heading into the courthouse. The sun is bright, but the wind is biting cold. It´s a typical winter work day in Humboldt until…

My cellphone vibrates on the seat next to me. A text message. It reads:

I just wanted to make you aware that I really appreciate you!! Te amo muito, beijinhos :-) 

I smile at the sweetness of the message from Eurides (my brother´s new bride of a little over 3 months).  I open my car door and realize that I almost feel like crying, happy tears. It´s so warming to know that you are loved. I spend the day wishing that everyone in the world could receive a text message like that one.

It meant more to me than to most, evidently. I´m a word person. I like words. I cherish sincere things that people have taken the time to articulate.

Interestingly, though, I´ve begun to appreciate a new kind of expression—the absence of words, or, to put it simply, silence. One day as I lay on my back in the grass, I envisioned the cross. The cross with a heaving man nailed to its frame. The whole saga, His entire earthly sojourn, was in reality an endless line of desperate “I love you(s)” springing forth from a heart in love. And the cross was the epitome. The cross was the loudest “I LOVE YOU” ever not spoken.   

He didn´t utter those three words from that cross. He didn´t have to. Each trickle of blood was an expression of love. Each bruise was His passionate desire for you. Each painful breath was a piece of joy that He dreamt of giving to His beloved. His outstretched arms were His longing to hold you. His distraught eyes quietly begged the question “Is there anything else I can do to show you that I love you more than life?”  

Christ´s “I LOVE YOU” from the cross was breath-taking not because it was spoken or written, but because it knew no bounds…it was lived, it was shown, it was embodied, and it was willing to die.

His love was beyond words—a Word made flesh. A passion deeper than anything I´ve ever read or heard—a timeless emotion. I don´t mind wordless moments on my knees anymore. I´m beginning to learn the beauty of immersing oneself in God´s silences. God communicates volumes in the absence of speech. His silences brim over with unspeakable love.

The lyrics keep coming to mind, “It´s amazing the way you speak right to my heart. Without saying a word you can light up the dark.” The wordless “I love you” that reaches to me across centuries speaks loudly to my heart. I almost feel like crying. My Savior rushes to my side and His face lights up the dark inside of me. It is so warming to know that you are loved. I spend the day wishing that everyone in the world would receive the message radiating from His cross.  

"...the earth is full of His Unfailing Love." Psalm 33:5

Hold Him Carefully

It´s possible I over-think issues sometimes. But when you´re a still-life actor in a live Nativity scene and have to stay frozen in position for half an hour or so, it´s an ideal time for your mind to wander deep into thought.

 

I sat there last night with my glance cast downward to a Baby Jesus doll nestled in my arms. In my scene, two wise men looked on while Joseph stood at my side. I began to wonder what it might have been like to hold Jesus this close, close to my heart. I tried to imagine what it might have been like to be the first one, the first one to peer into the eyes of God´s own Son who was also my own newborn son.

Her gaze must have emanated the rapture and glow of new mothers. This warm bundle of humanity was hers to love. Mary´s joy-filled heart did not fully know what her hands held—the only true Hope for her and the rest of the world. But she knew this baby was a treasure of utmost value. She knew she must hold Him carefully. 

It took a split moment for me to recognize—I hold that same baby´s heart in MY hands. He was born of Mary, but He came to give HIMSELF to each of us. His pierced and now resurrected heart throbs for love of me. He trusts that His sacrifice was not in vain. He hopes that we will accept His warm gift and hold His heart carefully. 

How closely do I clasp Jesus in my arms? How careful am I to never let Him go?

Although we would be horrified to see Mary dropping Baby Jesus or leaving Him abandoned on the straw, we break His heart and forget Him without even a shiver. We let Him slip lower and lower on our priority list. Sin and darkness take any opportunity to snatch Him away from us. We chase after life—work, entertainment, friends, final exams, charitable activities, our dreams—and, most likely, somewhere along the way we have let Jesus´ heart crash to the ground. Perhaps we´ve returned to pick up that heart, with words of apology…but we have so many other things we are trying to hold on to that He is in constant danger of being dropped again.

Dear friends, let everything else go to discover the treasure who is Jesus. Let not negligence or distractions steal Him from your arms. An ongoing encounter with His passionate warmth is all that matters. He is no longer a fragile infant, but His heart is still strikingly vulnerable. So when He entrusts to you His heart of love, hold Him carefully.

What If I Gave All?

The Son looking into His Father´s concerned eyes asks, “What if I gave all?”

“Yes,” the Father replies with a catch in His tone, “A gift like that would change the world.”

I don´t quite know why a song at a benefit concert melts me deep within. No one else seems heavily affected by it. But the idea latches onto my heart because it sounds so familiar. It´s a thought that's periodically shaken me during the past two months. It´s a question that sends shivers of joy and possibility through the courts of heaven—what if someone gave all?

A true heart encounter with God´s love invades us with a devotion that dares to ask, “What if I gave all? What if this incredible love of God drives me to offer up all? What if my Jesus expects me to expend my life´s blood as He did—giving all?” These questions bring us to the brink of truly loving because LOVE in its pure essence is WILLINGLY GIVING ALL FOR ANOTHER´S BENEFIT.  

A conviction has begun to beat in my soul, the conviction that God´s people must experience God´s love at a real and astounding level before they can be empowered to do the “greater things” that Jesus promised. A human soul inundated with divine love is only possible when everything else is given away, when nothing is held back from the Creator.  

I want to follow the way of love, the way of sacrifice. I want to place all my earthly treasures on the altar and gain the One True Eternal Treasure—God.  I see this as the only way to not be pretend. I can´t stand my empty and superficial ways of loving and giving. But I don´t know what it means...to give all.  

What does “giving all” mean when I get up off my knees? What does “giving all” mean as I step out my front door and head to work? What does “giving all” mean while I exchange words with friends and strangers? What does “giving all” mean when I make important life decisions? 

I search Jesus´ life for glimpses of what “giving all” meant to Him on the smallest scale of daily life. I am assured that the answers will come as I keep my eyes fixed on the face of Love. The question cannot stay in the back of my mind. I cannot let it slip away. I need this possibility to taunt me and tantalize me constantly. Someone, somewhere, must persist long enough to discover what it means to give ALL and it will be a priceless, pristine, and packed reflection of Divine Love. It WILL change the world.  

“…walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath GIVEN HIMSELF for us…” Ephesians 5:2

Ocean's Call

What´s the greatest gift you´ve ever received? The biggest? The costliest? The most memorable? What about the most incomprehensible?
 

What if someone gave you an Ocean?  A private Ocean just for you. What would you do with it? Perhaps you would excitedly stroll along the beach, run barefoot in the sand, play happily in the surf, and be in awe over its vast expanse. “Really?” you ask as you gaze to where the ocean meets the horizon and merges into the sky, “This is all mine? This extravagant, limitless amount of water is all for me?” You inhale the sea breeze deeply and can´t exactly wrap your mind around what´s yours. 

What would you do with it? If you´re a curious type perhaps you´ll take a boat and sail away, determined to explore the immensity before you. But imagine there´s a problem…you refuse to dive in. You avoid getting too wet. You fear being submerged. You are anxious about sinking too deep. The unknown, the incomprehensible, seems a bit risky. So you stick to the shore, you contentedly sail on the surface.

God´s love for you IS your private ocean, but you´ve never encountered it deeply. You have never lost yourself in His infinite love, because you´ve never jumped in unafraid.  

While God is wanting the undertow to sweep us off our feet and pull us into the ocean´s depths, while God is longing to capsize our boat and soak us completely in the salty waters…we have spent our lives playing in the waves and floating untouched on its surface. God´s love is an Ocean and it has belonged to us from ages past and into eternity. We´ve known about and touched it. Maybe we´ve even tasted it and preached about it, but in all honesty we don´t know what to do with it. We don´t know how to let it invade us and captivate our souls. We don´t know how to let it overtake us, sink us, and completely transform us.

“Behold, what manner of LOVE the Father hath bestowed upon us…” It is a fathomless, pristine, and perfectly true LOVE that “casts out fear.” (I John 3:1, 4:18)

 

Trust Matters

A look of expectancy in their eyes always sparks a throb of compassion within me.  Even on hardened, tattooed faces I read the unspoken plea in their expression—“Please. Please trust me. Trust me one more time.”

Laws have been disregarded. People have been hurt. Accusations of broken trust, some valid and others unfounded, fill the hallways. It´s another day in court. The orange-clad inmate stands awaiting the judge´s decision…release on his own recognizance (a defendant´s promise to return to court) or continued detention. And it all comes down to trust. Does the judge trust him enough to release him back into society? Does his behavior warrant a second chance? Can he be trusted to keep his promise, trusted with freedom?

The reality of the legal system contrasts with my friend´s words, “Yeah, don´t. Don´t trust me. I´ll disappoint you again. I don´t want you to trust me ´cause at some point I´ll fail and hurt you.”

I was momentarily quiet and then swallowed before replying, “Well, I´ll trust you anyways because I love you and I know you´re trying.”

Love changes the whole picture. Unlike the judge who objectively considers the legal case of a stranger, I saw that God´s personal love for me does not deliberate over His decision. He recklessly forgives and then amazingly trusts me again…all because He unceasingly loves. His forgiveness sets me free from my past; His trust in my potential calls me to new life.

Like my friend, I fear being trusted. I mentally want to run not from God´s love but from the weight of trust—the trust that a love relationship with God implies. I know I cannot fulfill the expectations of a perfect God. I would break His trust, bruise His heart, and fall short.    

It was when I imagined the inmate´s handcuffs being unlocked that I realized the power of trust. If I didn´t let God trust me, I would stay shackled to this earth, stuck in my inability to obey. God´s trust in us makes victory possible. His bold trust in me means my freedom.  He knows. He knows that trusting me sets me free to disappoint Him. But He knows that it also enables me to bring abounding satisfaction to His existence. His confidence in my “ability” brings me to my knees seeking continual help and strength.  

You see, being trusted by someone who loves you sets you free to disappoint, but it also sets you free to succeed. Free to fall, but also free to attain new heights in the power of Jesus Christ. Trust places intimidating expectations upon us, but they are expectations that call us to be more than we ever imagined.

So, when God tells you “I trust you,” it means He loves you and is setting you free. 

 

The Picture

He holds the picture close. There´s something about the way his fingers cradle it—lovingly, carefully, and yet so firmly (as if afraid any strong gust of wind might steal it away). The picture is worn on the edges, but it is obviously precious to him.

Heavenly light shines briefly on the picture´s surface. When I catch a glimpse, I step back in awe. The picture is beautiful—all that is pure, strong, and touched by grace! The image reminds me so much of my Savior Jesus that it takes me several minutes to realize…it´s a picture of me. It´s a picture of what I am destined to be, a picture of how God dreams of me, a picture of me made new, me transformed completely by heaven´s deep atmosphere of Love.

It is then I understand. This picture is his link to undying hope. You see, I disappointed him today; I crushed the hopes he cherished for his child. I trampled the faith he had in me and brought disgrace to the name I bear. I fell short and broke his innocent trust in my potential.

I find myself before him, seeking reconciliation. I had never considered what might run through his mind as he extends forgiveness to me for the umpteenth time, as he prepares to place his oft-broken, fragile heart back into my clumsy, human hands, as he floods me with love without thinking twice. He steals a glance at the picture of what I can become while he willingly trusts me again with his love, his heart, and his friendship (which I have already betrayed countless times before).

I see why he clings to the picture. Without it he may have given up long ago, he may have forgotten what he was fighting for. He is fighting (with powerful weapons of love, grace, and forgiveness) for the day when that picture will be a reality. Someday he will let the breeze sweep the picture afar because I will have become what he always dreamed of and there will be implicit trust between us, forever.  

"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure." I John 3:2, 3

LOVE GIVES

I had never met anyone like Him. For some reason, He thought Love was about giving…not giving the minimum, but giving ALL. When He told me He loved me without measure, I didn´t have an answer. When He told me that I was enough, that I (a simple girl sitting on a hillside with my knees tucked under my chin) could make Him happy forever, I could not believe it and so I just cried.

Me: “What can I give you? What is in this for you?”

God: “Just trust me with your heart, and love me.”

Me: “But will you give me the love to love you, because my heart is empty?”

God: “Yes, I´ll give you everything if you let me.”

Me: “Why would you want to give me everything?”

God: “Because that´s what true love dreams about, giving everything to the one cherished.” 

It took me awhile to realize that the ONLY reason He wanted me to love Him back was so that He could give more of Himself to me. He wanted my fragile, small heart so He could give me His. He asks for my love so He can give me limitless, overwhelming visions of Paradise. What makes Him happy to the divine extreme is seeing me wordlessly and joyously standing in the rain of His eternal Giving. God longs not to get anything but to give everything. True love gives all, and God is love. “For God so loved the world that he GAVE.” Oh, to capture this love!   

His Burden is Light

Sometimes the burden seems unwieldy—undefined in shape and weight. But I´ve never considered not carrying it. I´ve never wished it away. I´ve never wanted things to go back to “normal.” My heart accepted the embrace of this strange heaviness because it brought God closer, and the joy is sweet of stumbling and finding God´s arms beneath you. This burden makes me breathless, and at times I´m at a loss as to what to do with it. This burden pushes me down and humbles me…I´m not used to being pushed down so intensely. The downward impetus drives me to my knees where I cry openly before God and realize that this is where I have always belonged.   

I do not readily understand why, why me, why now. I see glimmers of heavenly reasoning, but I don´t see the big picture. I stifle my human need for explanation. It is not God´s purpose for me to fully know; His desire is for me to fully accept. The weight within keeps me from seeing very far ahead and sometimes blocks out the sun completely.

But I refuse to let go…I don´t even think of escaping. The simple thought of losing this burden devastates me. I cling to it because the One who placed it on me is also helping me bear it, and I cannot risk losing that closeness to Him. When I only see darkness, He knows where I´m at. When it seems too heavy, my weakness makes Him stronger. In my overwhelmed existence, new dimensions of God´s character reveal themselves. The feeling of being near such Divine beauty causes everything else to fade. I would not trade such an experience. The experience brought on by this burden propels me along some invisible path.  Almost like the burden itself has wings and is carrying me home, deeper into my Father´s heart.

 

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

What Jesus Dreams of...

Have you ever pursued a dream relentlessly? Have you ever had a rather outlandish hope of accomplishing or conquering something? Have you ever set your heart on achieving something that others considered crazy at best, if not just plain impossible? Whether or not they actually say so, your companions hope you´ll give up the impossible dream, or at least set your sights considerably lower. For an inexplicable reason, however, you keep dreaming. You expend your energy and time working toward your goal. You refuse to let the moments of hurt, defeat, and failure along the way faze you.  

If ambition is your strong suit, perhaps this has been your experience. On the other hand, if you´re like me, you play it practical and only pursue “reasonable” goals.

My next question is going to sound weird: Have you ever died in the pursuit of a dream?

Obviously, if you´re reading this, your answer is “No.”

But Jesus did. His dream was of more value to Him than His own life.

He renounced the glory He knew, to live and die for what He loved. He rose again, conquering death, and with fresh passion returned to the self-less path of pursuit – pursuit of His one true dream.

What actually WAS this dream of His?

Well, basically……you. You are Jesus´ dream.

His thoughts are consumed with you. All His most beautiful plans are centered on you. He endlessly contemplates strategies for catching your attention and winning your devotion. Every morning He forgets that you crushed His dreams the day before. He simply wishes His love would overwhelm you.  

A simple fact of your life - Jesus has loved you all these years, with all His heart, all His soul, and all His might. Against all odds, He dreams of at least one of His children being as passionate about Him as He is about them. His dream seems outlandish. He´s dreaming that one day you will purely love Him…not because He NEEDS your love in the grand scheme of things, but because being in a superficial, one-sided relationship with you breaks His lover´s heart. The disconnect between you and him burdens His soul. He doesn´t just want your hand. He doesn´t need you to play the Christianity game. He doesn´t need you to say the right thing, or say anything at all.  He´s just longing for you to receive His love and love Him back. And He won´t give up.  

Because He first loved me...

Sometimes less is more. I could expound on the why, how, where.  But I will simply state the WHAT. Today I am broken. I am sorry. I am ready to fall in love with the One I have been marginalizing all these years. The Holy Spirit drove the truth deep into my heart through a series of inner events. The truth—I have never LOVED God as I should.

God loves us with a passion, and at times with quiet desperation…all He wants is to be LOVED back. I have not responded to Him. I have been enamored with idea of knowing God, of praying to Him, of doing good things for others, but I have failed to learn how to LOVE Him in the true deepness of that word.

LOVE. I have appreciated God, and liked talking to Him. I have believed in God, and often felt Him nearby. I have spoken of God, and shared much truth. But what He most wants, I have cheated Him out of—adoring, all-consuming love in my heart towards Him. It´s as if I have been taking advantage of One who is deeply in love with me. I´ve been using the things and blessings He showers on me. I have told others how great it is to be in a relationship with Jesus. There were times that the sweet touches of Him pursuing me melted away my natural coldness.  And yet, all in all, my love for Him has been rather shallow and passionless.

I have become comfortable being in a courting relationship with God, a rather one-sided courting relationship at that. All this time, He has been pouring Himself into this relationship, into this dream of me one day loving Him enough to marry Him. He has focused on the positive, seeing my potential and seeing the best in me. His influence has moved me to act and live my life a certain way. He has not complained about the minimal amount of emotion that I invest back into our relationship.

I am broken. I am sorry, Father God. You have witnessed my tears. I have stood you up time and time again. I have left you waiting in the perimeters of my heart, in the hallway of my house. But, I am ready to fall in love. Come in. Teach me how to love. Speak to me the kindest and most endearing words that I tuned out before because I loved things and others above you. I want to be enchanted by you, melted by your patience, captured by your steady devotion. Forgive the practical mindset, the self-centeredness, and independence that have kept you at a distance. I want to commit. I want to fulfill your desires. I want to LOVE you.

A Poem You Are

A girl with bright eyes turns four today. Here are a few words to celebrate the niece whose life, personality, twirls, and laughs are like lines of poetry.  

It was before you were born.

I dreamt of you.

You were a poem,

A line of meaning.

I awoke with a smile of joy.  

But I soon forgot why.

I tried remembering,

How the words I had dreamt

Flowed together like running water,

And sang harmony with the rocks.

I searched the horizon,

For the lost blur of syllables

That had whispered such sweetness.

I looked into your eyes one day.

And then had to look again.

I glimpsed a word that rhymed

With the sky, and yet another

That defined the waves at my feet.

I saw meaning floating

In the depths of your smile.

You are the poem.

You are the dream.

You have found my arms.

And I awake with smiles once more.  

Calling Home

Right below HARPER MOTORS, just above HUGO. :) 

I see the name I´m looking for and hit the call button on my cell—HOME.

I can barely remember the last time I looked forward to a phone call with this kind of anticipation and need. I´ve been away from my house often enough in the last month (family reunion in Utah and my brother´s wedding in So. Cal.), but not away from the dear ones who are my HOME.

My heart beats slightly faster as the phone rings. Uncertain times have made my soul thirsty for hearing my mom or my sister´s voice. They pick up and I move to a comfortable sitting position on the pebbly concrete—it´s like I´m home again.

People sing about home frequently, that idealized place where you belong or feel safe. We long for it while knowing that not everyone has a HOME that evokes positive thoughts. Not everyone has HOME listed among their cellphone contacts.

Earthly homes are fragile and often transitory. But never forget that the comfort of home can be found on your knees.  The glow of our lasting, perfect HOME is always just a prayer away.      

“…if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself…” John 14:3

“…to them I will give in My house and within My walls a place and a name better than that of sons and daughters…” Isaiah 56:5

Overwhelming Borders

When a day overwhelms its borders, you end up exhausted in your bed but unable to sleep. The eyes long to close, but your mind wants to use the remaining hours of darkness to bring closure to the fullness of emotion. It is fullness that is keeping my weary body awake. It´s past midnight and yet I am eager to continue feeling the joy, solemnity, and newness of what happened today. The truth is I don´t want to let go of the beauty of this moment; I don´t want it to end. The accumulated scenes and sounds of this day were too much for 24 hours. I may just need a lifetime to truly appreciate the events framed within one sunrise and one sunset.   

The apex of August 24, 2013, was being present at the baptism of a young person who I love as a sister. My immediate family, our close circle of young adult brothers and sisters, and our extended church family watched as my dad immersed her in cold waters. We knew that it was the power of the living God that had brought us to this river´s edge. Songs rose. Knees bent under the gray sky. She had chosen to be God´s and He had chosen her. Heaven came down and touched every cheek with ocean mist.

I felt like shouting jubilantly, smiling recklessly, and letting tears flow. All expressions seemed appropriate, but all I could manage were a couple happy words and reflective smiles. I sensed that just as our friend was symbolically walking into newness, we would likewise never be the same because of how our hearts were mutually bound together with hers in Christ. An invisible seal of eternity settled around us.

Unfeigned love and recognition of God´s sacrifice continued to thrill us—taking a stroll in the fresh air and later on participating in a sacred concert and sharing time. I shut the piano lid and stepped out of the side door of the church. I almost didn´t want to head over to the center where we were going to serve refreshments. I was too full already.  

 

BATTERY LOW

Considering my untraditional work situation, not having a car charger for my cellphone can be a problem. It´s happened a couple of times now. I am rushing out the door going through a mental checklist—interpreter badge, water bottle, keys, sweater, cellphone, etc.  And then the screen of my phone flashes...BATTERY LOW. POWERING OFF.

I freeze for a moment, daunted by the inconvenience of not having a cellphone for the day or having to search for a handy electrical outlet between assignments. I throw my powerless phone in my bag and head off reprimanding myself for not making sure it was charged.

Being without a charged cellphone on a work day unsettles me. Yet, how often do we dive into the day without our spiritual battery, which connects us to God, charged?

Is God trying to tell me something? Is God hoping I´ll revisit the importance of spending quiet time in His power-filled presence?

I sit on the floor of my room reluctant to move from that spot until God´s purpose is accomplished. Selfish motives melt under His gaze. Fresh mercy, love, conviction, and truth turn my weakness into strength.  But the power I am receiving is not some generic, impersonal, unchanging river of electricity. No, this recharging experience is like one of those long conversations that neither person wants to end. It changes everything, just like a warm embrace from a friend who understands.

The end result (being fully charged) is important, but the time-requiring process (of making the connection and becoming charged) is irreplaceable. It´s time spent with the Divine heart that restores what I completely lack: stronger faith, compassion for others, humility, an attitude of gratitude, and familiarity with One who longs to guide me. This is what will keep me going. Only with this power will I stand up when everyone else sits down. Only by lingering near the Source of strength do I have any chance of being carried through the storm. Yes, some things are infinitely more vital than having a fully charged cellphone. Things like an early morning encounter with Truth that gives meaning to my smiles and even to my tears.

Vegan Cranberry Lemon Scones

     
     Well it's been a while since I posted last but now that school is out for the summer I should be able to provide more consistent thoughts and recipes for you all!
      The birth of this next recipe was again a result of my drive to complete a personal challenge: make an authentic tasting, flaky, English tea worthy, completely vegan scone. One of my favorite memories as a child is staying at the Historic Benbow Inn in Humboldt County, California and waiting with anticipation for the daily complimentary tea and scones served in the lobby every afternoon at 3 o'clock. Something about biting into a flaky cranberry/orange scone and sitting in a high backed chair made me feel so elegant and indulgent. Of course the only thing that would have made those scones more psychologically enjoyable for me is if they were vegan. Over the years I have tried unsuccessfully to create a vegan scone worthy of being served at the Benbow Inn and conjuring similar memories of elegance. This past year while living in Loma Linda, California a friend made some scones that I instantly fell in love with and which planted the reoccurring thought in my mind "If only I could make this scone vegan!" Thus I happily took up the challenge again.
       The most difficult ingredient to replace in scones is a nice heavy cream which provides most of the fat and seems to give a scone all its landmark characteristics so, I started experimenting with that first. After going through several alternatives and coming up with a satisfactory one I tried it in the following scone recipe and waited impatiently for the finished product to come out of the oven. They smelled delicious but what about taste? I gingerly picked one up, surveyed it with a critical eye, then tentatively went in for the bite. Prepared to be only somewhat satisfied, imagine my joy when the scone crunched, crumbled, and melted in my mouth just as it should.....success!! Fireworks went off in my head....I hope you have the same experience upon trying this recipe. Let me know what you think and comment on any changes you may have made to the recipe for our mutual enjoyment!


HEAVY VEGAN CREAM

Combine in a blender:
- 3/4 cup vanilla (or unsweetened) soy milk
- 1 Tbsp. lemon juice
Blend for 1 1/2 minutes on high and set aside.

Combine  in a small bowl and mix well:
- 1 cup of sunflower oil (or vegetable oil) 
- 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract 
- 1 Tbsp. maple syrup
Add this mixture very slowly, in one thin stream, to the soy milk mixture while still blending on high. Keep blending until mixture gets fairly thick (which usually happens as the last of the oil mixture is being poured into the blender). Refrigerate cream and use as needed. It keeps for about a week.

Note: Other heavy cream replacements include coconut milk or a combination of soymilk and coconut milk simmered down but the replacement that has had the most pleasing results is the above recipe.

Once the cream is done you can move on to the scones.


VEGAN CRANBERRY/LEMON SCONES

2 Cup unbleached flour
1 Tbsp. baking powder
3 Tbsp. sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
5 Tbsp. chilled margarine (preferably non-hydrogenated such as Smart Balance)
1/2 Cup of dried cranberries or currants (chocolate chips can also be used)
1-2 tsp. lemon rind, freshly grated
1 Cup heavy vegan cream

Whisk together flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt. Cut margarine into the dry mixture until the mixture resembles course crumbs. You can use a fork or knife to cut in the margarine but I prefer to wash my hands and use them to incorporate the margarine instead! :D Next, stir in the dried cranberries until they are nicely coated with a layer of the flour/margarine mixture. Last comes the heavy vegan cream. Stir in the cream with a spatula for no more than 30 seconds. It is preferable to not handle scone dough too much as it may not rise sufficiently or may become tough. Knead the dough in the bowl for 5-10 seconds and form it into a rough sticky ball. Lightly press the dough into a 8 or 9-inch round pan and turn onto a floured surface. With a knife (preferably not serrated) cut out the scones into the shape/size you desire and place on a oiled cookie sheet (I made 6-8 large scones from this recipe).
Optional: sprinkle some cane sugar over the scones for a decorative finish.
Bake scones at 425 F for 12-15 minutes. The larger your scones, the longer you will need to bake them. The bottom of the scone should turn a nice golden brown when done.

Now, take a scone, a cup of your favorite tea, settle in your favorite chair, and take a moment to feel elegant and indulgent......

 
 

Feeling the Absence

She said she was going to miss us.

“Especially you and your family,” she added seriously. “You don´t know how much.”

I didn´t get it. Her admissions left me slightly confused and amused. She was going away for less than three months. Great learning experiences awaited her in new, interesting places. I couldn´t quite understand her degree of melancholy. Sure, I was going to miss her too, but no need to be overly sentimental about it.

A week and five days have passed. I´ve had to jump in the river, eat at a Japanese restaurant, attend Thursday night Bible study, watch Pride and Prejudice, scramble over giant fallen redwoods, and throw an Aerobie Frisbee for it to finally hit me—I don´t just miss my friend, I truly miss her. It could be said I miss her company, her craziness, her laugh, her phone calls, her multi-faceted support…but that would be a small percentage of the entire truth. My missing of her sinks deep into that region of my heart where words fail. It´s now my turn to feel sentimental.

If I had to describe what is missing, I´d say I miss the bond we share when she´s part of my days. There´s something different about life´s experience when you have someone next to you who knows you well and chooses to love you as you are, and who has likewise let themself be known and loved by you. There´s underlying comfort in being near one who won´t too quickly misinterpret your silences and gracefully looks past your everyday mistakes. That person is safer and more confident with you nearby, and you are likewise less afraid and more at ease when they are present.                  

A bond like this is rare and precious. I think, perhaps, I´ve begun to taste the emotion that my best friend was trying to express. I am recognizing that her pre-trip sentimentality was rather insightful.

My mind turns to another Friend who deeply cherishes authentic bonds with us. One who knows all, and yet still longs to be known; who sees into billions of souls, but still values individual beauty and glimpses beyond unsightly personal flaws. One who considers separation from us emotionally wrenching. One who draws courage from a single open conversation.  One who, though invisible, is not far from any one of us.

When you choose a divergent path, the growing distance breaks His heart. He misses you. You can´t imagine how much.

Lifetime Romance

My friend Claudia happened to hear a couple of songs I had saved on my laptop. She turned to me and asked with slight incredulity, “So…you´re a romantic?”

I had to laugh and replied, “Isn´t everyone?”

Although it was just a quick response, I realized that I actually believe we were all meant to be romantics. While due to sin, confusion, societal misconceptions, and hurt, some eyes no longer see the beauty in a pure love story, or pretend not to, we were made to recognize and admire true, unselfish love. Mutual devotion and willing commitment between two people are a testimony to grace. God Himself invented romance and even calls His chosen people “His betrothed” and “His bride.” There is a romantic gleam in all of our hearts, small or flickering though it may be. Even as real life examples of God-inspired romance may be few and far between, our minds will continue to guard an image, an ideal of romance that goes beyond sentimentalism, fairytale endings, and red roses.

Thus, as one of countless romantics, my heart naturally feels joyous as we look forward to September 2, 2013. A huge moment in the life of my brother Nathan and my soon-to-be sister Eurides. Anticipation grows. An excitement is noted in our conversations. But a wedding cannot be considered the high point, or epitome, of lovely romance. The moment of “I do” is but the symbolically-rich prelude to a symphony for which they have been preparing even before ever meeting. The walk down the aisle represents the first steps of a romance that I pray and believe will last forever.

I love you Nath and Eurides…and if you can´t tell, I´m super excited!

Check out their story and pics…Eurides&Nathan Wedding Website

I Crumble Sometimes

 

I crumble sometimes

Like a leaf taken with age,

Sucked of all moist life

By a hot, dust-filled wind.

 

Disconnected from my roots,

My petals fly away

A few at a time…

And I feel as if

I have just been born

Although I have just died.

 

I crumble sometimes

Like paper with lost meaning,

Robbed of all pride

In the sudden turns of slow centuries.

 

Torn from my cover,

My edges disintegrate first

For having been caressed most…

And I feel as if

My soul is being discovered

Although my sentences are disappearing. 

 

I crumble sometimes

Like a monument absently forgotten,

My future and past weathered away

By blind storms and shut eyes.

 

Left to testify alone,

My memories find no purpose

In sleeping bound to fading granite…

And I feel as if

An embrace has found me

Although no hand pauses to touch my collapse.

 

I crumble sometimes

Not because the moments are without hope,

But because I am tired of configuration.

 

As I break apart

All of me…each of me

Seeks for a new life.