Even thinking about it…it sounds so self-centered. Yet this is me—Ariana—being transparent.
I´m going to whisper it. It is a secret after all.
“All I have ever, ever really wanted…”
(deep breath) “Yeah, all I have ever, ever really wanted is to be unashamedly and steadfastly loved.”
My secret looks vulnerable typed out for anyone to see. It makes me appear needy, desperate, and selfish in my own eyes. It´s like I´m one of those people, those whiny girls, who think “everything” is about them.
Somehow today I was ready to face my secret head on. It is a truth that has caused me to hurt others or show them false kindness. It has inhibited me from purely loving because I have subtly looked for people to meet my own needs. The motives behind my actions have been so often tainted by my secret. The secret scares me because of how pervasively it has affected everything I have chosen and done in life (the wise as well as the unwise decisions). At the same time my secret thrills me because embedded between the syllables is the realization that all I have ever really needed was God Himself! Seeking this love in so many of the wrong places, my disappointment has opened my mind to the greatest reality—there is a love more wondrous than I have ever dreamed of. Perhaps this is why I can at last acknowledge my secret…because incredible glimpses of God´s love have been enticing me with what I´ve always wanted.
As only the true Lover of my soul would do, He volunteers to share His own secret in return.
God whispers, “All I have ever, ever really wanted was for one of those who I have unabashedly loved to love me back to such a ridiculous degree that the two of us would lose track of ourselves in a joyous vortex of giving and receiving, and finally simply be one in love.”
His innocent dream melts me. I feel less ashamed, and more amazed. He IS love! I was created to be His!
I share my secret with you for one reason…I thought perhaps it might be your secret too. God and I didn´t want you to think you were the only one. Oh, and that kind of ridiculous love you´ve always secretly longed for…well it TRULY EXISTS!
“I have loved you with an everlasting love, and with loving-kindness I have drawn you.” Jeremiah 31:3
“That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us…that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them.” John 17:21