Now back to where all is familiar—Humboldt. Suitcase unpacked. Attempts to put my room back in order. The living of 2014 waits expectantly. Fresh responsibilities clamor for attention.
Honestly though, my heart is not yet unpacked. I hold within me experiences, conversations, and sights that I´m afraid to categorize and put away.
In a ridiculous way I am attached to 2013, specifically the last 3 months of it. I unequivocally consider them the most vivid, most impactful 3 months of my life. The experiences of our year-end road trip were like a needful weaving together of various strands of my recent existence. I am not eager to walk full stride into my common routine when I am still trying to interpret the meaning of so much.
What if I forget? What if the emotions didn´t sink in deep enough to change me? What if I make the same mistakes again? What if time convinces me that over-flowing happiness is transient and transformation not possible? What if the laughter, tears and prayers of the last 2 weeks lose their significance? What if the all-consuming desire to know the Love of God fades in the busy schedule of things?
I admit…I´m too nostalgic. I always have been. God doesn´t mind. He actually grows excited as He listens to my woeful questioning. His own response makes Him gleeful.
“Precious child, the moments we´ve spent together have delighted me to no end, but the best is yet to come! The love you´ve found in me has no starting point and no ending point…nothing can quench it, whilst every prayer, and smile, and unselfish act make it grow more intense. You´ve been caught up into something eternal, beautifully entangled in something lovely, captivated by something rather invisible. And yet it is real. I am real. Greater love never ceases to give its life for the beloved. I will fight for you and continue to win your heart more profoundly with each sunrise. Our memories are sweet, but our future is sweeter. The coming hours, days, and months will not be easier or without trouble, but they will be increasingly lovely as my character and plan unfolds before your eyes. What glorious beginnings—simply a foretaste of heaven itself!”
(deep breath) I feel ready to unpack now. I´ve found a special place in my room for all my blessed memories. Their echoes will inspire me to scramble over rocks, run into waves, stare up at the stars, and reflect my new joy—unhindered.