Monday, October 7, 2013

Because He first loved me...

Sometimes less is more. I could expound on the why, how, where.  But I will simply state the WHAT. Today I am broken. I am sorry. I am ready to fall in love with the One I have been marginalizing all these years. The Holy Spirit drove the truth deep into my heart through a series of inner events. The truth—I have never LOVED God as I should.

God loves us with a passion, and at times with quiet desperation…all He wants is to be LOVED back. I have not responded to Him. I have been enamored with idea of knowing God, of praying to Him, of doing good things for others, but I have failed to learn how to LOVE Him in the true deepness of that word.

LOVE. I have appreciated God, and liked talking to Him. I have believed in God, and often felt Him nearby. I have spoken of God, and shared much truth. But what He most wants, I have cheated Him out of—adoring, all-consuming love in my heart towards Him. It´s as if I have been taking advantage of One who is deeply in love with me. I´ve been using the things and blessings He showers on me. I have told others how great it is to be in a relationship with Jesus. There were times that the sweet touches of Him pursuing me melted away my natural coldness.  And yet, all in all, my love for Him has been rather shallow and passionless.

I have become comfortable being in a courting relationship with God, a rather one-sided courting relationship at that. All this time, He has been pouring Himself into this relationship, into this dream of me one day loving Him enough to marry Him. He has focused on the positive, seeing my potential and seeing the best in me. His influence has moved me to act and live my life a certain way. He has not complained about the minimal amount of emotion that I invest back into our relationship.

I am broken. I am sorry, Father God. You have witnessed my tears. I have stood you up time and time again. I have left you waiting in the perimeters of my heart, in the hallway of my house. But, I am ready to fall in love. Come in. Teach me how to love. Speak to me the kindest and most endearing words that I tuned out before because I loved things and others above you. I want to be enchanted by you, melted by your patience, captured by your steady devotion. Forgive the practical mindset, the self-centeredness, and independence that have kept you at a distance. I want to commit. I want to fulfill your desires. I want to LOVE you.

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